.

[ A lovely little gift for me ]

2008-11-20T20:15:00.001-01:00

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.—Eleanor Roosevelt

These past few months i have come to realise that perhaps i have been keeping myself so busy so that i wont have to face, or have the time to face and think, about all the changes that have taken place over the past year in my life.

Now i think that part of the reason that i have let this go on is because i do like to be busy, i like having lots going on in my life and i feel as though i spent so many years with my ex just watching my life go that now that i was "free" i had to make up for lost time.

Now all of this is good and the things that i have been doing have been to better myself. I have really challenged myself this year and i have done so much growing, so much uncovering of who i am but at the same time i have been afraid too.

I guess that change is scary and when you come face to face with such a big change in your life you do go through patches of emotional ups and downs. Too be fair i have been more up than down but i have also noticed that i find myself battling to make decisions. I used to a good decision maker, i used to decide and stick with it until the end. Now i find that it takes me ages to decided and then when i have chosen i spend so much time doubting my decision that i end up giving up and not seeing my decision through simply because i am afraid that the decision that i have made is the wrong one and i will come out at the end of it having failed at yet another thing.

This is not a good place to be, not for me and not for my dreams. So i have decided that i am going to try to learn to trust myself a little more. To go with my gut feeling and to take a chance. I have a good head on me and my heart is in the right place so i just have to trust that God will work everything out for the best no matter what i decide or how it turns out.

Small steps - that's what they say right. So i have been thinking about what my dreams are for myself and for my future. Eleven months ago all of my dreams seemed to shatter and since then i haven't done much about picking them up. But not any more. I am finding my dreams again, i am taking more chances with my life and with my heart.

So the quote above is just something to remind myself to dream again, to take those chances that i seem to so desperately want to side step.

On a different note look what came through my postbox on Tuesday. I haven't had a parcel in months and months and i was so excited.

Thank you Kelli Perkins for this lovely gift. I have some time set aside this weekend to have a play!

Chattsworth House - Dad's Birthday

2008-11-17T20:13:00.000-01:00

As promised here are a few of the lovely photos from Dad's Birthday. We spent the day at Chattsworth Castle and then went home to have a lovely special dinner!

Happy Birthday Dad!

Some lovely clothing from the film Pride and Prejudice

A little something you don't normally find

The birthday boy and Paul

How cool is this sculpture out in the gardens?

The ceilings and walls were absolutely gorgeous throughout

[ So whats going on? ]

2008-11-12T05:53:00.002-01:00

Life is finally getting back to normal for me. It has taken a few weeks but life is returning to normality, my routines are starting to settle down again and I am beginning to feel more settled….Life is good again!

My heating and hot water is back up and running as of Monday evening. I can confirm that the heating is ace and the water seems to be alright. Now I say seems because I have not yet had a chance to have a hot bubble bath to test it out ( In case it sounds like I haven’t bathed in weeks I do have an electric shower…..hehe)

I have been at my new temping job for a week and a half now and I am enjoying it. I am starting to feel at ease with the systems and the responsibilities and most of all I love that it is so close to home. 3 miles to be exact. Most of my life now seems to be within 5 miles of home. Work, the gym, my parents, my best friend and my grocery shop. Absolutely fantab-la-roo!

Last night I went to the gym after not going for about two weeks. I had a great class but could definitely tell that I had not been in a while. My legs ache today but I am being a real trooper and have booked myself in for tonight’s Combatt class anyway!

It was my Dad’s birthday on Saturday so we spent a lovely family day at Chatsworth castle. This photo was taken there with my brother and I think it is a really nice photo. Its not often that you take photos of yourself that you just love! I have so many nice photos from Saturday that I think I am going to have to do a separate post for that.

Creating wise I am currently working on one canvas so nothing much there to show you guys but I did find the time to make myself a new jewellery holder for my room. For the past two months my jewellery has been sitting in a bowl in my underwear draw and I thought it was time that I put them out there for all to see. My jewellery that is and not my underwear…hehe.I also had my first date on Sunday. Movies and dinner with a very nice guy. Not sure how things will progress but I know that he is very keen and has already called and asked me out again....

[ Christmas Challenge WI Results Week 4 ]

2008-10-30T08:37:00.008-01:00

Week 4 has been a really tough week for me. To be honest, with everything that has been going on, i have not paid much attention to my exercise or my eating.

So lets see what has been going on this week and end of last.....

* I have had no heating

* I have had no hot water

* I had a gas leak Saturday morning, had to call the emergency national grid out who then proceeded to totally disconnect my gas supply to my flat which meant no cooker either

* We have had the first snow fall for the year

* I have been trying to get my refund paid by the local council for an overpayment that i made a few months back - like trying to get water out of a rock

* And to top it all off on Tuesday morning i was made redundant with effect immediately!

I have spent the past two days mopping around at home, feeling sorry for myself and eating myself out of house and home. Not such a good idea but at the moment i am picking my battles and food is just not one of them.

On a positive note though i do have an interview this morning for a temp to perm position which will start in one weeks time. That does mean a week with no money and then a week in hand but i will have to make a plan. If i do get this job then i will try to find a weeks work with Office Angels or something like that. Reception work, tea making, filling - i don't care....just something that will bring some money in.

I have also managed to do some painting these past few days. I am currently working on two canvass's and have almost finished my jewellery holder so I have some exciting photos to share soon.

Bearing all the above in mind, my Christmas Challenge WI Result for week 4 was a gain of 0.6lbs. Not bad at all considering how much i have eaten and the fact that i have not made it to the gym once this week or even last weekend.

Seeing as i feel i need to have some sort of pic to brighten things up, how about my little mushroom.

Ok, so its dead now but hey, that is so not the point!

[ Its tough at the moment ]

2008-10-27T11:25:00.001-01:00

I have a lot of things going on at the moment and i could really do with your prayers if possible.

With everything that is going on my friend sent me this email today - I thought i would share it with you all.

The One Flaw In Women

By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
'Why are you spending so much time on this one? '
And the Lord answered, ' Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart
-and she will do everything
with only two hands. '
The angel was astounded at the requirements.
'Only two hands!? No way!
And that ' s just on the standard model?
That ' s too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish. '
'But I won ' t, ' the Lord protested.
'I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hour days. '
The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
'But you have made her so soft, Lord. '
'She is soft, ' the Lord agreed,
'but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish. '
'Will she be able to think? ' , asked the angel.
The Lord replied,
'Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate. '
The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman ' s cheek.
'Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one. '
'That ' s not a leak, '
the Lord corrected,
'that ' s a tear! '
'What ' s the tear for? ' the angel asked.
The Lord said, ' The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride. '
The angel was impressed.
'You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing. '
And she is!
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness,
love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don ' t take ' no ' for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They ' ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE TINY FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

[ Christmas Challenge WI Result - Week 3 ]

2008-10-22T02:32:00.003-01:00

Week 3 of my Christmas challenge has been a good week for me.

This week i have lost a total of 2 lbs. I had hoped for a little more but i guess that is just being greedy. This brings my total for the Christmas Challenge to a total lose 4.6 lbs.

Overall i have now officially lost 28.6 lbs. I was so happy this morning i was jumping up and down acting like a crazy girl!

I am so proud to say that i have now lost 10% of my total body weight and i can really see and feel a difference. In honour of this great achievement i have awarded myself some bling for my blog.

I now begin the journey towards my next 10% but for today i am just going to focus on the 10% already lost. And of course nothing makes reaching a goal sweeter than getting to reward yourself with something oh so nice. Something that you have been holding off buying, waiting just for this moment in time.

I am going to be buying

for myself tonight!

Way to go ME!

[ Pigs ]

2008-10-21T08:47:00.000-01:00

I came across this advert on facebook last night and i just had to share. It really, really made me giggle.

Free Pig*

Choose any card design from pig to patriotic with the Classic Visa Card with up to £2,500 credit. *Actual pig not included with card.

NO WAY!!

[ YouTube Rocks! ]

2008-10-20T01:47:00.000-01:00

Sometimes i am just in total awe of today's technology and "normality's" for lack of a better word.

Take YouTube for example. Do you guys realise that you can pretty much get a video of just about anything and everything off of there? I decided that i wanted to have a go at cutting my own bangs so i was doing a search on Google to find out what type of bang would suit my face shape best.

The next thing i know there is this link to a YouTube video and it is a girl showing you how to cut your own bangs! How cool is that!!

So i had a look at a few more videos by different people and finally found one that i thought i would try.

I picked up my scissors and began to cut away - worst case scenario i would have to go to my friends daughter for some emergency hairdressing help.

I am so pleased with how it turned out and now i know that i can save myself a few quid when money is tight. Plus i also now know how to layer my own hair as well as create feathering down the front. Cool or what??

[ 101 Things to Do in 1001 Days ]

2008-10-17T01:49:00.002-01:00

Mission:
to complete 101 preset tasks in 1001 days

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Some common goal setting tips:
1. Be decisive. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you plan to achieve it.
2. Stay Focused. Any goal requires sustained focus from beginning to end. Constantly evaluate your progress.
3. Welcome Failure. Very little is learned from a venture that did not experience failure in some form. Failure presents the opportunity to learn and makes the success more worthy.
4. Write down your goals. It clarifies your thinking and reinforces your commitment.
5. Keep your goals in sight. Review them frequently, and ensure that they are always at the forefront of your thinking.

Start Date: Monday, October 13th, 2008
Finish Date: Monday, July 11th, 2011

Health/Fitness/Outdoors
1. Buy a sports bra 16.10.08
2. Complete a 5K
3. Complete another 5K
4. Go Zorbing
5. Complete a Half Marathon
6. Try a Body Balance Class
7. Get a massage
8. Get into the habit of flossing every day
9. Get to my goal weight of 175 pounds
10. Lose 60lbs
11. Eat at TJ Fridays
12. Go to the cinema 09.11.08
13. Go horseback riding
14. Learn one good joke
15. Lose 30 lbs
16. pay off the loan to dad
17. Write a letter 14.11.08
18. Go to the dentist
19. Have my hair permed
20. Go Air Diving/Sky Diving
21. Participate in the breast Cancer Walk
22. Swap DVDs with a friend
23. Learn sign language
24. Bake something for a friend
25. Buy a new mattress
26. Watch a monster jam show in person
27. Visit a garden centre
28. Take a Pilate's class
29. Take a Body Pump class

Home/Family
30. Reduce, Reuse and Recycle where i can
31. Bake my own pumpkin bread
32. Buy a house/flat
33. Save up for the deposit for the house/flat
34. Buy a flat screen TV
35. Have £1,000 in my savings account
36. Apply for Naturalization
37. Apply for my British Passport
38. Do a new painting for the lounge
39. Get some wall deco up
40. Buy a cupcake display holder
41. Plant a herb garden
42. Make Cupcakes and decorate them
43. Do something with felt
44. Go on a date 09.11.08

Work/Education
45. Get a new job in Leicester
46. Finish and pass DD100
47. Finish and pass a second course
48. Get a pay rise
Hobbies
49. Complete one art journal page
50. Buy the Taking Flight book by Kelly Rae Roberts
51. Take an art class.
52. Take a cooking class
53. Read 24 books
54. Take a cake decorating class
55. Sew my first item of clothing
56. Take a photography class
57. Create a YouTube video
58. Do something with felt
Fun
59. Feed the ducks
60. Go Clay Pigeon shooting
61. Get a makeover
62. Have a cup of hot chocolate with some mini marshmallows
63. Make my own jewellery
64. Go to or throw a Fancy Dress party
65. Go to a Show at Demontford Hall
66. Throw a dinner party
67. Go to a poetry or book reading
68. Go to an art exhibit opening
69. Go to Ireland
70. Go shopping in Market harborough
71. Have a Games Night
72. Have a picnic in the park
73. Have a spa day
74. Have a yard sale
75. Have a girlfriend weekend
76. Make a Jewellery Holder 05.11.08
77. Stay at a lodge in the winter - maybe in Switzerland?
78.Try 1 new restaurant
79. Watch 10 new to me movies
Philanthropy
80. Donate blood
81. Create a Life Mantra
82. Display this Mantra
83. Plant a tree for Arbor Day
84. Volunteer for something
Miscellaneous
85. Buy a new laptop 31.10.08
86. Buy a pair of wellies
87. Buy something vintage
88. Take a First Aid Course
89 Watch one full season of the Gilmore Girls
90. Go on a weekend retreat alone
91. Do a photo shoot
92. Make Christmas gifts of brownie mix in jars
93. Learn to make General Tso Chicken
94. Cook a new recipe
95. Find a church that i like and settle in
96. Make at least three new friends
97. Make my own cheesecake
98. Organise my OU papers and work
99. Repay at least 1 credit card in full.
100. Do my Day in the Life book
101. Write a new 101 List once this one is done

[ Christmas Challenge WI Result - Week 2 ]

2008-10-15T12:29:00.003-01:00

Week 2 of my Christmas Challenge and I am very proud of myself for this week just gone.

Scale wise i have stayed the same so neither good nor bad.

Exercise wise it has been great! I did 2 body combat classes and a body jam class. We had new routines that we were learning and i am so please that i can see a really big improvement in my fitness level. Its nice to have some non scale victories.

Talking about Non scale victories i have had two this week: The first was buying a size 18/20. I used to be a 24! And secondly my mom cut 6.5 inches off each of my leg on my tracksuit bottoms. They looked like tents before but now they fit so much better.

Food wise i haven't been all that good. I have had a small pizza, some cookies at the office and two slices of New York style Cheesecake. So very naughty but oh so very nice.

Because i am feeling so proud of myself for the exercise i think i shall reward myself with this little badge from the healthy you challenge blog.

All in all I am pleased with the results. Starting on week 3 I know that i will do better and am hoping to reach my 10% goal next Wednesday.

[ On A Mission For A Sports Bra ]

2008-10-13T01:07:00.001-01:00

This weekend I was on a mission! Saturday morning i went to my usual Body Combat class, except that this weekend was the new release, release number 37, for this class. I must be a honest and say that i love this new routine so much more than the old one but man are there a LOT of scissors and jumping and running on the spot. My poor Boobs where getting a real beating even though i was wearing my usual Sports Bra.

After this class, i had a shower and decided to go see what i could find in world of sports bra's. Let me just start by saying that i ended the weekend more confused and overwhelmed than when i started.

How difficult can it be? I want a sports bra. Something that will give me GOOD support and that has got more than the normal bra look at the back. I think they call this type a racerback but I'm not sure. I picked up so many new words this weekend i am not all that sure i have the correct understanding for what they all are.

First off i found the Shockabsorber bras......what on earth makes them shock absorbers? Is it special fabric because they definitely just looked like normal sports bras to me. And to make things worse, and i mean apart from the price of them, level 4 seems to only be done in cup sizes D - I am a C - and they only seem to go up to a 38inch back. I know i am big, that is why i am losing weight and exercising but i still need a good bra.

Size seemed to be a constant problem for me. Most of them only go up to a 38 or a Large. The large was just too tight. The only option that i could find in the 30 or so shops that i went to where the normal back type of bras. I am sure that they are fine, but i want something that i can feel a little more supported in.

Then i decided to look online....Boy oh boy was that a mistake. So many more options and shops but its so difficult to buy over the net. The sizing also seems to be different depending where you go so then i had to try figure out my bra size for each site....arg! what a mission.

So i guess i was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions or thoughts or good articles on sports bras. I just need some direction and guidance without commission being the motivator behind the answers!

[ A jumble of thoughts ]

2008-10-10T05:23:00.010-01:00

I have a lot going on in my world at the moment..... a lot of things are going through my head and through my heart. I thought it might help to put them into words so that i can try to make some sense of it all.

* I am missing Pam. So much you wouldn't believe. I miss our chats over a cup of tea. I miss telling her how things are going. I miss laughing over card making. I miss having her in my life. I have been thinking about going to visit her grave over the weekend but i am not sure if that is a good thing. For one, it make me even sadder and two i no longer really belong to her family. When i split up from my ex i guess i feel like i split up from the family as well. I'm not sure if they would be upset if they found out i had been.

* I haven't done any art in about the last three months. I miss it and perhaps that is why i am finding myself so down. I am itching to do some painting, to get my hands dirty but i know i just don't have the time i need. So maybe tonight i should get my art journal out instead and do some painting in that

* I have tooth ache and have been really sick this past week and weekend. My wisdom tooth is coming out and it is killing. I have this unbelievable fear of the dentist which doesn't help so right now i am sucking on painkillers and hoping it will go away.

* I cant get my parcel. I know its not big in the scheme of things but i just want my parcel! I'm never home - i work and live on my own - so if he is going to try to deliver at those times then i wont be there. Plus he seems to have a habit of first time not giving me my parcel number, which stopped me from being able to get it redirected to my folks. And then when he delivered again yesterday he put the parcel number down but put it down incorrectly! Just lovely!

* I need to do some dish washing - desperately! And some cleaning.

* I'm tired. I have a very busy week between working, gyming 4 times a week, studying and living i don't get much time to relax and find that i am often not getting to bed until 11:30. I am an 8 hours sleep kind of gal. I NEED my sleep. I am going to have to figure something out and quickly.

* I am doing my psychology degree, which i totally am loving, but i am a little worried that i have gotten myself in deeper than i originally thought. I am sure i can manage it, its more the time aspect of it.

* I want to do some baking - must make some time to do this.

* I have been being very good eating wise lately but yesterday and today i am in desperate need of sweet stuff. Chocolate, cheesecake...I'm not really fussed. I just want it and i want it all.

Sorry guys i know this post is a little soppy and winy today but sometimes its good just to get it out. I had this quote emailed to me today and thought it was very true.

"There are times when we may fool ourselves. There are times when we can fool others. But we can never fool our body. It is the most sensitive barometer of our inner world." - Sherrill Sellman

Have a lovely weekend everyone

[ Campainging For Creativity - Every Day ]

2008-10-09T09:55:00.005-01:00

I have a ton of things going on today....work, cleaning, uni tonight.... so i wasn't going to be posting today.

But, i came across Donnas post this morning and thought i would spread the word.

For me, this is my favourite part -

"we all have a voice. sometimes it speaks to us in a department store, or while reading a catalog, or while walking in nature. it is the voice that stops you and makes you look a things in a different way.

like the placemats you pass while shopping at Target that inspires your next layout design,
or the new bedding set you see in a pottery barn catalog that inspires the color pallet for your next collage painting
or the nature walk that prompts you to pick up fallen branches and twigs that inspire your next home decor project.

embracing our creative potential and letting it free to guide our art is the challenge.believing in the power of your passion to create is the gift we all have to share.

"believe in your creative potential,

enjoy the creative process,

try something new,

explore new possibilities,

but most of all believe."

[ Christmas Challenge WI Result - Week 1 ]

2008-10-08T01:07:00.001-01:00

This is the end of my first week for the Christmas Challenge and it has been both a good and a bad one.

As much as possible i have eaten well and stayed within my points. I have not done as much exercise as i would have liked as i have been sick for the past five days or so, but last night i went back for my first gym class in about 8 days.

So.....my Week 1 weigh in result is

Start of Challenge: 259.2

Week One: 256.4

Result of: -2.8lbs

I am so pleased with this. My goal for next week is to lose min of 1.4 lbs so that i can reach my first 10% goal! I am so excited about this. I have even decided to treat myself when i reach this goal - oooh, so excited.

[ Knowing your place in this world ]

2008-10-07T03:03:00.002-01:00

Last Monday night i decided to try a painting class that was being held at one of our local centres. I was so looking forward to it as i have never been to one before.

The advert described the class as follows:

"A class open to all, whatever your level of experience, from complete beginner
onwards. This is an easy going class where you’ll get the chance to
explore painting, focusing on watercolours and acrylics. All materials
provided."

This is what they actually meant:

A class open to all - that is if you can find it as it is so well hidden,

whatever your level of experience - but please note we do expect you to be very much experienced,

from complete beginner onwards - aaaaaa, yeah right!

This is an easy going class - as long as you don't mind being told that what you are painting is rubbish compared to everyone else (who by the way have been painting for at least the past 10 years)

where you’ll get the chance to explore painting, focusing on watercolours and acrylics- but you are only allowed to use watercolours and you have to paint what i tell you to paint!

All materials provided - in your dreams only! Of course you have to bring your own art supplies or you will be forced to scrap out the old empty dry bits of paints from the bottom of some unwashed plates that were used as mixing pots.

Needless to say i wont be going back this week, but i did come home with this lovely little picture!

[ My Weekend in Pictures ]

2008-10-06T02:22:00.000-01:00

Most of my weekend was spent in this lovely bed as i have been so very sick. Surprisingly though, I have seemed to get a lot done as well this weekend.....

I did manage to finish PS I Love You as i was awake from 1am Saturday morning feeling so bad. I got up, made myself a cup of tea and sat and read. By 3am i was in tears, crying because my book was just so sad, crying because i was feeling so sick, crying because i was so sick and all alone and crying because i only had enough milk left for one more cup of tea - which would have had to be kept for my normal morning time cup of tea

Saturday morning i spent some time laying on my couch in my bed socks watching some TV while the washing was in

And this is some of the laundry that i got done over the past two days
I decided to treat myself a little this weekend and bought myself these three DVDs. I cant wait to watch them - especially ONCE. I have heard such great reviews about this film.
I also picked up some new nail polish, eye shadow and lipstick
I stopped by Borders on the way home from my folks on Saturday night to see if i could find a copy of Kelly Rae Roberts new book, Taking Flight.....no luck unfortunately

I made two huge pots of yummy vegetable soup for the week ahead

I bought myself some Asiatic Lilies for my kitchen
I also made a really good start on my University course. I listened to the Audio and familiarised myself with the requirements for my first marked assignment - which is due in two weeks time...eek!
By Sunday night i needed some fresh air so i decided to go for a walk in the little park next to my flat. It was nice to be outside, watching the neighbourhood dogs running around playing fetch.
All in all i would say it has been a good and productive weekend

[ It appears I have become a Fan ]

2008-10-04T06:47:00.003-01:00

Of Jack Johnson and Taylor Swift that is! I LOVE their music and as i have been up since 2am feeling absolutely horrible from this flu that i have i have been doing some blog surfing, music downloading among many other things including some washing.....its amaizing how you pass the time in the early hours of the morning..LOL

Oh yeah, and i am trying to get my hands on an ipod so if you know of any great sales going on i would be most appreicative

Have a great Saturday everyone

[ Life goes on ]

2008-10-02T14:45:00.002-01:00

So after last nights post i was hoping that i could just stay in bed forever, only ever having to go out to pick up some chocolate and the occasional pint of milk for tea.....but it just doesn't work that way. Last night i went to bed and then this morning my alarm clock went off and i had to drag my sorry butt out of bed and move on with life.

That's the thing with life, no matter what your facing - Life still goes on. Some days its refreshing, other days is just down right annoying!

So, after a long morning of feeling grumpy and frumpy i have decided that i need to "pull myself together" and just "get with it"! And what better way to do this than to have a plan.

On that note - here is my plan from today until Saturday mid morning.

1. Make it through the rest of the day and finish work

2. Either drop by my parents to pick up my study course work or drop by the courier company depending if it has returned yet

3. Clean myself up , have dinner if there is time, and go off to weekly study group.

4. Come back home and do the normal evening things.

5. Get up ON TIME and GO to work.

6. Do a good days work

7. From work head off to the gym for a workout....decide what workout the night before

8. Get up Saturday morning go to Body Combat class.

That is it - that is all that i am going to concentrate on over the next few days.

Oh and in other news - while i think about it - I went and bought myself a new workout shirt. In the hopes that it will make me feel just a little better about myself.

[ Pitty Party for 1 - Be ware, its not a pretty sight ]

2008-10-01T21:37:00.000-01:00

This is me tonight, having a pitty part for one. I know i should be polite and invite you (cause we all know just how much you would LOVE to join me) but as i am feeling all sad and pathetic i have decided that i am doing this thing on my own! AGAIN!

Yes, alone and single are two of the things have joined me at my pitty party. It wont be forever i keep being told but right now they are comfy and set on staying.

Then there is the embarrassed and disgusted little fellas who are also joining me.

I went to my gym class tonight and the only place that i could get was directly in front of the mirrors. In a class full of other ladies i looked like an out of syn hippo having a bad day. Tummy and boobs jiggling everywhere, big butt and thighs sticking out like a sore thumb. I know it was only my imagination that every other thin, beautiful woman was looking at me, thinking horrible horrible thoughts but i let it get to me that much that i left the class, halfway through with tears running down my face.

As if that isn't enough i also don't have any chocolate in the house. Well i guess that's a good thing but it means that i have had to resort to raiding my baking cupboard and am currently sitting here eating my hundreds and thousands and half a bag of baking chocolate chips that i cant even remember opening.

Lets hope tomorrow will be a better day hey!

[ The Start of the Christmas Challenge ]

2008-10-01T06:14:00.001-01:00

I seemed to have found my mojo once again for this weight lose journey this past week. Don't get me wrong i have been working hard and eating healthily but i haven't been keeping a very close eye on it all.

From today that all changes. I have been reading some very inspiring blogs these past few days and it has really motivated me to get back into this with 100% of my heart.

So, while i was doing my blog surfing I came across the Christmas Challenge and decided that this is exactly what i need to help me. It gives me a goal, keeps me accountable and hopefully i will make a few new friends. I have also done a bit of an update on my blog as well as on my links.

This will run for 12 weeks starting today and my goal is to lose 26lbs. That means that by Christmas I would have lost a total of 50 lbs. That will be brilliant.

My starting weight for this challenge is 259.2lbs.

My plan of action for this is as follows:

* Working out at the gym 4 - 5 times a week

* Staying within my WW points range

* Not eating after 9pm

* Eating a good breakfast every day

When you stop by please feel free to leave a comment if you have any suggestions or anything that you would like to share.

[ Every woman needs one of these ]

2008-09-30T06:07:00.001-01:00

Its just one of those rights to adult hood i guess. Every little girl loves her first pair of heels - she always feels like a beautiful princess in them - and i guess that feeling doesn't change as we get older.

I haven't had a pair of heels for years and i honestly do mean years. Last weekend i rectified this and now i am sitting at home with these lovely little ladies. I went for the safe option for now - a black pair with a cute little bow on the side but my next pair are most definitely going to be red!

If your like me and for some bizarre reason you are sitting at home with absolutely no heels in your closet then do yourself and your inner little girl a favour and go and buy yourself a pair....right now!

[ A quote to live by ]

2008-09-29T01:57:00.000-01:00

"It's tough to do, but you've got to work at living, you know? Most people work at dying, but anybody can die; the easiest thing on this earth is to die. But to live takes guts; it takes energy, vitality, it takes thought. . . . We have so many negative influences out there that are pulling us down. . . . You've got to be strong to overcome these adversities . . . that's why I never stop." - Jack LaLane

I came across this quote while sorting through my inbox this past weekend and it really hit home with me. Living, really living is hard work - especially as an adult.

Its so much more difficult to make friends, to try new things. There seems to be so many barriers and things that get in the way that sometimes you forget that you have the option to do these things. To try new things and to put yourself out there.

I had to be honest with myself and i realised that i haven't been living these past few years. Not in the real world anyway. I only have a handful of people who even knew that i exist at the moment and a lot of those friends are not even in the same country as me. Its difficult to realise that while everyone else has been living their lives and moving forward I have been .... I'm not sure really. Sitting here, waiting for life to come to me i guess. That's not how it works and i have realised that now.

I have decided that i want to live my life. I don't want to be sitting in the background watching my life go by - i want to be living my life. I want to be enjoying it with everything that i have, i want to be doing exciting things, meeting interesting people and doing things that scare me silly.

So i have taken action. "Strike while the iron is hot" as they say! I have booked myself in to a painting class Monday night, body jam on Tuesday, Body Combat on Wednesday, a Study group on Thursday and a Body Balance group on Saturday morning. I have to be out there in the real world to meet people, to make friends and to scare myself silly, right?

This weekend i also got to watch 27 Dresses, twice! And who wouldn't with this cutey, hunky, yummy man...hehe

It is such a feel good, funny chick flick so if you have been sitting on the fence about watching this movie i would say GO FOR IT!

Applesauce Oatmeal Muffins

2008-09-24T00:59:00.000-01:00

Sunday afternoon i decided to do some baking...healthy baking of course!

I found this recipe on SparkPeople and read all the great reviews - It realy is as good as they all say it is so i thought i would share the recipe.

Ingredients
1 cup old fashion rolled oats (not instant)

1 cup non-fat milk

1 cup whole wheat flour

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce

2 egg whites

1 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

1 tsp. cinnamon

1 tsp. sugar

raisins or nuts (optional)

Nutritional Info
Fat: 0.5g
Carbohydrates: 20.5g
Calories:93.5
Protein: 2.9g

Directions

Soak the oats in milk for about one hour. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Spray muffin pan with cooking spray. Combine the oat mixture with the applesauce and egg whites, and mix until combined. In a separate bowl measure and whisk the dry ingredients together. Add wet ingredients to dry and mix until just combined. Add nuts or raisins if desired. Do not over mix the batter or the muffins will be tough. Spoon muffin mixture into muffin pan. Combine the cinnamon and sugar and top each muffin with some of the mixture. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until done. Remove from pan, cool and enjoy.

These can be frozen and reheated in the microwave for a quick breakfast.

Number of Servings: 12

Recipe submitted by SparkPeople user JOJOMKE.

[ A night out at the Ballet ]

2008-09-23T10:52:00.002-01:00

Last night we got all dressed up and headed out to see the Russian Ballet perform!

Oh My Gosh - it was such a nice evening out. A little culture goes a long way some times..hehe

As we couldn't take our cameras in i thought i would find some images on Google to share with everyone. If you ever get the chance please go and see them!

[ A sneak into my new flat - Pre wall art ]

2008-09-21T19:35:00.005-01:00

My weekend has been so great. The weather has been sunshine all the way and i have had plenty of fresh air and fun.

I had a BBQ with family and friends on Saturday.

Got up early Sunday morning and spent the morning in a field doing a car boot sale.Ended up making £50 from my junk - so cool.

Did some cleaning and sorting in my flat.

Got my computer back up and running.

Took some photos of my new flat and so thought i would share - Its not finished by any means but i love it!

First off we have my nice kitchen. Its so big and spacious!
And then we move on to the hallway. I have these lovely little pockets above each of the doors and they are ideal to put little bits of art works in and little trinkets like my teddies and photos.

Then we have my bedroom with my new bedding, newly painted furniture and brand new lamp shade! I love this room as well.
and

Then onto my "spare room" which is really just a long cupboard but is great for all those odd little things.....
And finally my lounge....
I am off to watch the Russian Ballet tonight with my mom and my friend so i will have something nice and simple to share tomorrow!

[ My Patchwork Heart ]

2008-09-18T12:29:00.001-01:00

I know its just a set back
Give it time and this feeling will pass
I have had a feeling for many years that he messed around on me
I just hadn’t thought he went as far as he had.

Today I got some proof – unintentionally stumbled across it
Part of me wishes I hadn’t.
I always thought the best of him despite the rumours
Isn't that what rumours are? Just gossip…..
I decided not to listen, I decided to follow my heart
But now my heart has cracked…and when I finally thought it was almost mended.

Through the break up we managed to stay friends,
How I am not sure
But now I don’t even want to see him
After all this time he manages to look me in the eye and lie about it.

Are there any men out there who can be trusted?
Who don’t cheat on you or break your heart.

[ What a difference a year makes ]

2008-09-11T01:00:00.000-01:00

Wow, what a difference a year really can make!

This year has been such an incredible journey for me. A year with a lot of tears, a lot of difficult decisions and a lot of growing.

But here i sit, on my birthday, and my heart is filled with hope and pride. Im 27 today and yes i might not have a significant other in my life, i dont own my own place or have children yet but you know what....i am happy.

A year ago today this was not the case. I was turning 26 and as bad as this sounds all that I wanted to do was to stop exisisting. I didn’t want to carry on with things the way that they were. Yes I had a man in my life and yes I was engaged to be married but I had been for over six years. We rented a house together, we both worked but there was no sign of actually getting married, of buying our own place or have ever having children together. I felt like all my dreams had faded away, all my hopes and ideas for my future had been erased and worst of all – I felt nothing inside of me except disappointment, sadness and dread.

To those of you who are reading this and thinking – wow that is harsh, to some extent you are right, but it is also true. The thing is, is that this whole journey and this post is not about him and what he did or didn’t do – he is a wonderful guy and we have somehow managed to stay pretty good friends even through all of this. This post is about me and my journey. It is about the steps and choices that I have made this year that have lead me to where I am today.

Today I sit here and I am happy! I have just moved into a beautiful flat and started a lovely job. I am making friends and I am starting to follow some of my new dreams. I still have days where I worry about all those things that I am expected to have at my age, but for the most part I look forward to what my future has to hold for me. I am so proud of myself for taking that step and for doing all of those difficult things that have brought me to this place where I am at right now.

I love who I am becoming once again. I look ahead to a new year, a year that has got so much in store for me. So many good things. I am looking forward to growing even more into who I was created to be!

Happy birthday to Me!

[ A weight update ]

2008-09-10T01:34:00.000-01:00

I guess I'm about due for an update on the whole weight lose journey. To be very honest I haven’t stepped on the scales for the last 5 weeks or so and in between then and now I have been away on holiday, moved my folks to a new place, packed and moved myself to a new flat, had a leaving due for my old job, celebrated my brothers birthday all while trying to be careful and only treating myself every now and again.

The results…… This morning I stepped on the scale and it read 259.2 lbs. Last time I was on the scale is said 266.1 lbs. That is a lose of 6.9lbs! I could not believe my eyes.

It looks like I have finally gotten over those pesky few pounds that just wouldn’t move. 250’s here I come!

[ Scotland ]

2008-09-09T01:14:00.000-01:00

I cant believe that our holiday was already 3 weeks ago! So much has happened since we got back which is why it has taken me so long to show you guys just a few, and i mean VERY few, of my photos.

Hope you enjoy them!

These are some of the garden pic's that i took. All the castles had such lovely grounds.

You just cant go to Scotland without visiting Nessie!
Some fun beach shots!

Just two of the beautiful castles and stately homes that visited.

The local wildlife park.

This is a shot of the ocean as we got ready to sail across from the north tip of Scotland to the Orkney Islands. This photo is complete Photoshop free! The ocean really was that blue!

A miniature version of Stone Hedge

And lastly a gorgeous photo of a little Italian Chapel that was built by Italian soldiers of War during one of the wars...world war ll if i remember correctly.

[ My Whirlwind ]

2008-09-04T14:29:00.002-01:00

My life is a whirlwind at the moment which is why i havent been updating. So much has been going on and i have so much to share but at the moment i have some more winds to get through.

Ill be back soon - hopefully by next weekend.

[ I have decided to go with the flow……. ]

2008-08-13T02:35:00.006-01:00

I can tell that I am getting older and wiser as they say…..I am trying harder to go with the flow and not get stressed out about things that I can not control. This is no easy task but I am learning that it does make living life that little bit easier.

"So whats flowing?" you ask - let me share………..

* I have only got 7 more working days and then I am off to start my new job.

* I leave for a weeks holiday to Scotland in 3 days and have yet to do any packing.

* I found a flat that I love and want so badly. I put my name and money forward to the agency and am now just waiting for them to come back to me with a "Yes you have been successful and not thrown away £150" or a "No, we don’t want you living in our beautiful flat but thanks for the money". I'm praying and hoping that it’s the first one.

* Oh, and since I am very impatient and REALLY REALLY want this flat I gave my current Landlord his four weeks notice Saturday just gone. Yup, I don’t believe in dipping my toe in the water first - I might as well just jump and figure it out along the way.

* I have been spending a lot of time reading Jennettes book and I am loving every minute of it - she is so funny and so real and so often while she is telling her story I can see me doing or having done the exact same thing

* Because I have given my notice I also started packing up my flat. Well, I guess I should say I have just completely made a huge big mess in the name of packing. Its getting sorted out and organised, honest!

* While sorting and organising I am also finding things that I want to sell or get rid of so I now have a nice big pile of stuff that needs a new home.

* And to go in my nice new beautiful flat I have also decided that I want new bedding and new bedroom furniture. I know that I want colour and personality but more than that I am not really sure. I am thinking something along these lines……

or this

*I have also been given a full grant for my first year of study for my Psychology degree. I have now registered for the first year and can not wait to get started. I am so excited about this course.

[ Look what came ]

2008-08-08T01:43:00.000-01:00

I was so excited tonight. I got home from work and look what i found in my post.I bought this book from Amazon after reading Jennette's blog. I can not wait to get my nose into it.

If you could say a little prayer for me tonight and tomorrow i would really appreciate it. I went to go look at a flat this evening and it is so gorgeous. It is exactly what i want, in the area that i want, more or less at the price that i want. The only thing is that they have to do a credit check on me first. Sometimes these come back fine......but sometimes they don't. I guess it just depends which agency they use. Its going to cost me £150 to do this check and if i am declined then i lose my money and the flat. So, after all is said and done, please say a little prayer for me today.

I will keep you updated. Have a beautiful Friday!

[ A lot going on ]

2008-08-06T05:00:00.004-01:00

A lot is going on emotionally at the moment so not really in the mood to post what i was going to post. Instead i am going to share two songs that i am loving at the moment.

and then this one

[ The Joys of Food Journals ]

2008-08-04T01:12:00.001-01:00

I have never been a fan of writing down what I eat but for the past few weeks I have been making myself do it. It has been one of my weekly/monthly goals so I have been making sure that it is being done.

Last night I realised just how important they are and that all my hard work with them had really paid off. Those of you who have been visiting my blog for a while know how much I have been battling with losing anything on a consistent basis so last night I sat down with my food journal and just had a look through it.

I realised something! Yes, I may be staying within my WW points most days but the food that I have been giving my body still hasn’t been very good food. Don’t get me wrong, there have been some good changes – like now I eat breakfast most days and I have been eating more salad and veg and less bread and rice but what I can see as an ongoing pattern is that I still “spend” a lot of my daily points on rubbish. I just somehow manage to work that rubbish into my food plan.

In one day I have been able to have a mini chocolate roll, a low fat chocolate ice cream, a sour cream dip to go with my carrots, a bag of low fat crisps and even still a small bag of peanuts! And this is on top of my cereal, lunch, dinner and yogurt snack. I understand that I may have a lot more points than smaller people due to my weight but still, I am sure that I should be filling those points with foods that are a lot more nutritious for my body.

During this week I came across this post by Scale Junkie and it really hit home when I realised what exactly I have been putting into my body …. Even if it is classed as low fat!

So today is the start of truly eating healthier, of paying attention to what I put into my body and to try something a little different.

[ My heart is here ]

2008-08-01T01:13:00.002-01:00

I so miss New York City.

I was speaking to my friend who is living in Brooklyn at the moment and we were chatting about old times. About how we used to catch the train from Fairfield CT and go down to NYC for the weekend. How we would watch out for those strange people you see on the train and then chat away in Afrikaans so that no one could understand us. How we used to go somewhere different almost every weekend and how we used just agree to go meet strange men off of the internet. I tell you, we had no fear in those days!

Such good times and such good memories. I may not have been born in America much less live there at the moment but let me tell you, my heart is most defiately there.

I love New Yorkers. I love the City, the architecture, the atmosphere and everything else about it.
New York I miss you!

All my photos from my time in the states is currently packed away in boxes so i got the next best thing of of google images.

[ I really did want to have his baby ]

2008-07-31T01:49:00.000-01:00

Dreams...........( painted this weekend )

Ok, I know that is not your normal sort of blog title but it is what is on my mind today. I have been reading this book called At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks and the further along that I have been reading it the more and more I have been feeling this longing. I am not going to spoil the book for anyone so If you want a good clean romance then all that I am going to say is definitely pick up a copy of this book.

Ok, so back to this longing and to my title before you all think that I have gone bonkers! Oh wait, part of me feels like I already have. For those of you who don’t know I split up from my fiance 7 months ago today actually. We had been together for almost seven years. For as long as I can remember I had wanted to get married and have a baby and as much as he said he wanted these things they just never seemed to materialise. I guess that this is part of why I decided to end things with him - I wanted and needed things that he just didn’t seem to really want.

It's not that I am that sad that all I want to do is cry - I guess I am just dealing with those broken dreams. Those ideas and hopes of how I thought my life would turn out with him. I wanted to have his baby - that is such a huge deal and yet he didn’t seem all that interested. I wanted to marry him and again he was happy to live with things as they were. I needed to go forward, he wanted to float.

I think it definitely says some great things about us when even after all of this I can honestly say that we have been able to stay friends. We visit each other now and then, we give each other a quick text to see how things are and we do truly care about each other. Loving him was never the issue. Living out my dreams with him was.

So I guess I am just reflecting on the wedding I didn’t have, on the marriage I feel that I have missed out on and on the baby that I so desperately want. It all feels so very very far away and I don’t know if I can wait that long to finally be living my dreams.

[ Sharing is Caring ]

2008-07-30T01:27:00.000-01:00

Or at least that is what was said in our family while i was growing up.

Before i carry on i just want to say thank you to all you lovely ladies who commented on my weight lose on yesterdays post. It is so nice to have such great support and encouragement. Thank you.

Friday night my friend and i went to go watch Mamma Mia!

Now let me just explain that i haven't been to the cinema in at least seven months. Its actually probably a lot longer than that because i cant even remember what the last film was that i watched in a cinema.

To say that the evening was fantastic is an understatement. The whole experience was so much fun. The smell of that freshly made popcorn....yum! *Although i would happily like to add that i did not have any*

The movie was great. I really really enjoyed it and spent a lot of the movie tapping my foot and mouthing the words.......due to my lack of a singing voice of course

Isn't EBay such a cool place. Whoever thought this idea up is brilliant. Look what i brought for £9.50 all inclusive! 8GB memory card and a card reader for under £10! Fantastic.

And then there is shopping. Not just any shopping but you know when you go into a grocery store that you don't normally shop in. Yes, i know it does take twice as much time while in this different shop but boy oh boy what treasures can be found just by trying somewhere new. Look what i found at Morrison's....

I can not wait to give them a try.

[ HYC Update ]

2008-07-29T08:12:00.000-01:00

Last week I decided not to post my weigh in result. The scale was showing that I was back up to 263.6 lbs and to be honest I was just too disappointed and ashamed to share it with everyone. I know that we all fluctuate from week to week but I have been in this same number range for so long now that I really did begin to feel pathetic and ashamed.

Anyway, since then I have gotten my act together, pulled myself together and decided to stand up and try again. So here is last weeks weigh in results

and this is this weeks weigh in results....
2.2 lbs off this week. I am so pleased. I feel like i am back in control of things and more than that i am feeling positive about this journey.

I have also worked out my new goals. 10% goals which means that i have four goals before my final weight. I have now lost 21.6 pounds and need to lose 28.3 pounds to get to my first 10%. That is 6.7 pounds away. I can definitely do that ladies!

[ So psyched ]

2008-07-24T19:15:00.004-01:00

This week has really been a good one.

Work situation. Not only did i get the job that i wanted but they also agreed to give me the increase that i wanted. In fact, they agreed to give me £1000 more rather than just the £500. Fantastic!

The future. Today i bought two tickets to.........*drum roll please*......... the ballet! Yup, you read that right. I have always wanted to go to the ballet but never actually thought i would ever do it. Now i am! September 22nd at 7:30pm i will be there! Oh, i am so psyched about this!

I am going to go all out and get dressed up to the nines!

Eating plan. Day 2 and everything is on track and going well. I have been feeling full and confident. I have written down everything that i have eaten and stayed within my points. Go me!

LOL - I am sure i had more to share with you guys than this but its late and this is all that i can think of. Have a happy weekend everyone.

[ Excuses no more ]

2008-07-23T17:36:00.001-01:00

For the past few years, while my weight has been creeping up and up, I can not count the number of times that I scolded myself for carrying this extra weight and even more so for not doing anything about it. Even while I was telling myself off, telling myself how bad I was, how horrible and stupid and all the rest of it there has always been one excuse that has been at the for front of it all.

About 4 years ago I joined WW for the first time. I did really well on it, lost about 15 pounds (that was all that I needed to lose at the time) and then I hit a snag in my relationship with my ex and things went south quickly. I moved back to South Africa and spent a lovely 2 months there visiting with friends, catching up on old times and eating loads and loads of the food that I had been "missing out" on. LOL, now that I look back at it I think I might have been trying to make up for the years of missing out in the short 2 months that I was there. I ate, and ate and ate. Anyways, when I came back my friend very politely pointed out that in the two months that I had been back home I had gained back a lot of my weight. She was right of course but I could feel myself rebelling against my "used to be thinner" self.

Every time I went to pick up a chocolate bar or dessert, she would tell me how I shouldn't eat that, or when I had a lovely meal and wanted to go back for seconds she would remind me that that is not what thin girls do. She didn’t hesitate to point out that where I used to walk to work and back everyday I now did nothing more than what was absolutely necessary. Every time I would try on an item of clothing she would make a little comment about how much tighter it was getting or how I could no longer do the zip up without lying on the floor. Before I knew it, she was everywhere and my guilt and shame where growing as well.

I am not sure where she came from or why I let her stick around for so many years but just lately I have been hearing her more and more. Maybe it has been because the scale has not been moving for me and so I have been feeling very despondent with it all, maybe it is just because of everything else that I have had going on in my life lately. This afternoon I feel like I had one of those A-ha moments, as Oprah calls them. The voice, the disapproving tone and comments, the excuses - it seemed to all wash over me like a wave and I realised in that moment, that the reason that I had been giving my "thinner me" for staying fat and unhealthy was this…. "I didn’t want to have to count points for the rest of my life."

And then I realised it…..for the past few weeks I have been using Sparkpeople to help me keep track of what I have been eating and how much I have been exercising and I realised that keeping track of calories is not all that much different from writing down my daily points. It was just new, and interesting and different which is why it had appealed to me. So today I have decided to go back to WW points. It worked for me in the past and to some degree I have still been using it over the years. …..Isn't it weird how your brain just remembers that a chicken kebab with no mayo is 9 WW points and every time you do go to have one this figure pops up in your mind? Totally weird!

So, as of right now I am going to go back to my WW points. I wont be able to join a group at the moment but for now I am going to do it at home and I am going to make sure that I get more exercise.

[ Happy, Exciting News ]

2008-07-22T19:22:00.003-01:00

So i had my second interview today and i am so excited to say that i have been offered the job!

I cant believe it.....im so happy.

I am waiting for them to come back on the salary. I have asked them for an extra £500 as i now have a lot further to travel and i should hear about that tomorrow. So excited!

Thank you to everyone who had me in their thoughts and prayers.

On a different note i just wanted to share with you what i did this weekend. I did some decorating and organising all in one. Check out how i now keep my jewellery...

Note to self : Get more colourful jewellery

[ Have a little Faith }

2008-07-19T19:51:00.003-01:00

To all those who want desperately for me to succeed.

To all those who want me never to experience the pain of failure.

To all those who watch and wonder if I really know what I’m doing.

To all those who stand in judgment, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

To all those who look to me for proof of what’s possible.

To all those who only want the very best for me.

To all those who love me, unconditionally.

I share these words…

Have a little faith.

Have a little faith that I’ll make mistakes, but be able to recover.

Have a little faith that, more often than not, I DO know what’s best for me.

Have a little faith that I have within me the will to rise against adversity.

Have a little faith that I’ll know when to soldier on and when to walk away.

Have a little faith that I will not put myself at unjustifiable risk.

Have a little faith that my heart is in the right place.

Have a little faith that the mainstream path isn’t always the right path.

Have a little faith that I will succeed beyond my wildest imagination, even where those before me have failed.

Have a little faith…and a lot of love.

I came across this poem while surfing this blog. It spoke to me and i just wanted to share it with you all. Have a lovely weekend and see you on Monday with next weeks weigh in!

[ Ouch to Body Pump and a catch up]

2008-07-16T03:36:00.000-01:00

I would have written this post earlier but it has only been the last few hours that I have been able to actually lift my arms…lol. OK, it hasn’t been that bad but man oh man my arms and shoulders have been and are so sore. No matter what movement I do it hurts and today I have started getting grumpy with it.

My arms hurt! They feel like they are going to fall off! I am not kidding - They hurt!
I know, I know. My work college happily reminds me every time that I give a slight moan that "NO, your arms are not going to fall off!" but I disagree! Moaning aside, I did enjoy the class. I am not sure I will be going back any time soon but at least I can definitely say that it works. For now I am going to stick to aqua aerobics and Body Combat.

I also wanted to update everyone on my job hunting news. I have gotten a call back for a second interview. I am so thrilled and can not wait to get out of where I am now. So, by the end of this week I am hoping to have a time and a date for that second interview and then the me that lives with her head in the clouds and gets carried away with things far too early can not wait to hand her notice in by the 25th. That means that I will have to work for 3 weeks and then the final week I will be in Scotland on holiday! Oh that would work so well! Please Lord, please!

A few days ago Cammy left me in a comment in response to one of my posts. She suggested going onto Sparkpeople and joining a local group. I know that this link is very much "Out There" but I haven't been on it in months and months. So today I decided to start back up on it. I have entered in today's food, exercise and worked on my goals. I have joined a UK Midlands group and hope to make some friends. Thanks Cammy for a great idea.

I am also hoping to go to a knitting group on Monday night at Starbucks. Never been to one before and i will have to sort out what i will take with me but it sounds fun and might be another way to meet new people.

Before i head off i just want to share this quote that i received in my inbox a few days ago. Such a great quote.

“To sit patiently with a yearning that has not yet been fulfilled, and to trust that, that fulfilment will come, is quite possibly one of the most powerful "magic skills" that human beings are capable of. It has been noted by almost every ancient wisdom tradition.”
—Elizabeth Gilbert

[ Finally ]

2008-07-14T20:07:00.002-01:00

I feel like shouting from the roof tops! Finally we have some movement ladies and gentleman. The scale has gone down, down down! So excited! LOL.So this was this mornings weigh in result. Down to 161.4lbs. For those of you who dont know i have been teetering between 264 and 263 for about 2 months now. And Finally i seem to have broken that barrier. 261.6 Babe!! Now its just fingers crossed that it doesn’t go back up.

I have just come back from my first Body Pump class. Lots of fun but very hard work. My shoulders and arms are already sore and achy so who knows what tomorrow is going to be like. Lets just hope that i start to see results soon from this class

I am hoping that next week i will be in the 250's. That would be really great.

It is really late here and i am exhausted so i am going to cut my post short. I do just want to say a very big thank you to Cammy and MaryFran for your comments on yesterdays post. I am feeling a little better today and am making some plans for some of the things that you ladies suggested. Thank you.

[ Believe in better days ]

2008-07-13T08:31:00.000-01:00

[ Painting done by myself a few weeks ago while

i was feeling down about things ]

Today has been a bit of a difficult day for me. It has been a lonely day if i am honest with everyone. I just don't have many friends here in the UK. I have many friends back home and even my friends in the states but where i live, i only really have two friends. Julie who has a boyfriend and who i only recently bumped into again after not being in touch for about 3 years and other friend is my ex.

I have been in the country for 7 years and can only say that i have 2 friends. That is so sad. Sure i know people that i used to work with or currently work with but we don't go out, we don't spend time together. I miss it. I dream of having friends round for dinner or going on holiday together or just going shopping. I don't have that and what makes me feel worse is that i don't know what to do about it to fix it.

When i was with my ex he didn't like me spending time with friends which means that i didn't get much opportunity to build any of my own friendships. The only friends i had were his friends. Then when i split up with him, his friends no longer wanted to know me which of course has left me where i am right now.

It has been six months and i have still only know that people that i knew when i was with him. Its not his fault, i am not blaming him but i just don't know what to do about it.

If there are no people that you can be real friends with at work how do you meet people to make friends? I don't have children so cant meet other parents, i don't know anyone so cant meet any of there friends. I don't go to Uni or College so cant meet people there. I go to gym but its not really somewhere where you meet up and chat to people.

It feels hopeless if i am being honest. All that i want is a real friend. Someone who i can spend time with, share things with and who knows me. I don't think that is too much to ask. I am a nice person and i make a good friend. I'm just quiet and am not very comfortable putting myself out there.

That then leads me on to if i cant meet any friends how am i ever going to meet my future husband? I don't want to be alone forever but i have this horrible image in my head of it being exactly like that. I would love to believe in fairy tales but what are the chances of me just bumping into Mr Right, or of him just walking up to me in ASDA and asking me for my number? Not very high i would say.

[ Say what ]

2008-07-11T13:59:00.003-01:00

It might be raining outside but inside it is all sunshine!

So i had my interview today. I think it went well. One of those where you are not really sure but fingers crossed right?

I also treated myself to a hair cut. I love it. I normally do these things on the whim and today was no exception however, i think i have finally found myself a hairdresser that i will go back to. LOL, it's only taken me seven years!

And please try to ignore the zit that seems to stick out so very obviously! I think i must be a little run down at the moment because i have several of the little buggers....luckily the others have been better hidden by my makeup.

[ Race for Life ]

2008-07-08T19:41:00.002-01:00

I did my first Race for Life on Sunday - 5km! This year my mom and I went together so I walked along with her but next year I hope to be able to run it. That is my goal. Something to work towards.

3000 woman were there. It was fantastic. Some people got dressed up, others were there with their children and hubbies. The local radio station was there and we even had Nivea Boys with Pom Poms cherring us on….lol

Such a good day! Here are some photos from the day. As I don’t have my camera I have had to use these from the radio stations website, its ok - I sent them an email asking them if I could use them before I took them :-).

It took us about 45 minutes to do the race. It was held at our local park so 80% was walked on the grass and the rest was on paths. And to add to all the fun it rained pretty much all of the time we were walking. And I don’t mean a little drizzle - I mean absolutely pelting it down. We were soaked through and even then had water running off of our faces. I loved it!

Another proud day for me. Something new to add to my list of "good" about me. And do you know what else I thought was fantastic? Monday morning I wasn’t even stiff. That was surprising for me because I definitely thought I would wake up and would have to roll out of bed because I wouldn’t be able to move my legs. But that was not the case. I managed to get out of bed and I even made it into work.

Heres to all the other 2999 woman who raced with me on Sunday. Well Done to you all!

[ Things are Good ]

2008-07-05T12:24:00.004-01:00

So things are going pretty well for me at the moment. It feels like things are finally coming together and i am so grateful to God for this.

This morning i received my permanent residency back from the Home Office. It only took 4 weeks compared to the 6 months it took them to give me an extension on my visa last year. I know this is going to sound a little weird but i am really proud of myself for getting this. I did this whole thing on my own. I did it properly, and even though there was a lot of worrying and a lot of tears and a lot of money i now have it! All on my own.

And i also have Internet at home again! Yup, i am reconnected to the Internet world - I have missed it!...lol. Hopefully this will mean that i will be able to update my blog a little more frequently and start adding a lot more images (but for some reason not in this post..lol) I will also be able to start leaving comments again....Yippee!

This morning i did a Body Combat class at the gym and man i have not sweated that much in years. I had it literally running down me. Wow! Another thing to be proud of myself about.

I am trusting God for an interview next week. My CV has been sent off to this company and it is close to home, it is a huge company, a great opportunity for me and the salary is whole lot better than where i am now. If i get this job i will even be able to quite my second job and still be earning more than i am right now. That will be such a relief. So if you could keep me in your prayers this week i would love that. I will let you know more about this as i do.

I am off to pick up my brother. Have a great weekend everyone!

[ The second half ]

2008-07-02T19:33:00.004-01:00

Can you believe it is the last day of the first half of 2008! Oh yeah, and the last day of June. Wow, where has it all gone to?

Last night I climbed into bed with a cup of tea and my journal and I spent some time writing. Putting my thoughts and my feelings about the past few months onto paper and can I just say how therapeutic this was for me. I went to sleep with a clear mind and a happy heart. I had a good night sleep!

I am feeling so hopeful about the second part of the year ahead. I think that I went through a stage where I had lost my hope. I might have been fighting with all my might on the outside but inside I think I had decided to give up and just lie down. It was easier and ….well, sadder really.
Anyway, this weekend I got to spend some time being creative. I did two new canvas's and finished off one other that has been laying around for weeks now. None of them turned out the way that I had imagined them in my head when I first sat down and started with them but by the time I had washed up my last paint brush I was so proud and so pleased with them. The whole process they had changed, taken on a different look, a different story and by the end of it I knew that they were perfect just the way that they were. The end product was beautiful. As I sat there looking at them and trying to take photos of them with my dad's terrible camera ( love ya dad :-] ) hope started to bloom inside of me. Those rays of sunshine that you hear about in story books and movies moved into my heart and into my spirit and has started to spread, started to grow.

As I said earlier, I am really looking forward to what the rest of this year has in store for me!

While I was writing in my journal the topic of my weight loss or lack of weight loss came up for me. This month has not been a good month for me with regards to the scales but in other aspects things have been good. From June 1st till June 30th I have lost nothing. Yup, these past four weeks my weight has been riding its own little rollercoaster but in total I have lost nothing this month.

I have however managed to do a few good things this month that I am proud of. I had four goals for the month of June.

*Lose 10 lbs - This one didn’t come off the ground.
*Do 350min Cardio Exercise - I smashed this goal! I am proud to say that I have done a total of 501 minutes and so I get to earn my exercise bling! Way to go ME!
*Drink more water - Check, I am drinking at least 5 glasses of water a day……5 more than what I used to drink!
*Try a new exercise - Not only have tried Aquafit but on Saturday I went to my first Body Combat Class. Two days later and I still ache but I am so going back next week!

In my book three out of four is definitely not bad!

Friday afternoon I spent some time reading Cammy's blog and man oh man, if you have some spare time make sure you take a trip over there. It is full of great entries, funny stories and lots of great humour! Anyway, while reading her archives I found myself agreeing a lot with what she was saying. What she said made sense and that was how I wanted things to be.
More specifically, I don’t want to be on a diet for the rest of my life….I want to be eating healthily and looking after my body by exercising it, challenging it. So, l used her SMART entry and put together an action plan for myself. Something that I am going to try and if need be, tweak where necessary. Having some time to just think about it was really good for me. I realised some things that I might be doing which is hindering me from dropping that weight that I want to even though I am doing the right things. Once of those things is eating dinner so late. I work 2 jobs and don’t get home till 8pm which means that I don’t sit down to eat dinner until 9pm and some nights its 9:30 till I am actually sitting down to eat. Then I am going to two hours later and this is simply not good for me. So I have decided to try to have my main meal at lunch time and have the lunch that I would have normally had in the evening. That way, I will have a smaller amount of food that my body is trying to digest and I am hoping that this will help. Like I said, at the moment it is all about the tweaking so we will wait and see if this works for me or not.

So this is what I came up with as my starting points for me:
*I am going to eat 3 meals a day and 2 snacks
*Only eat bread once a week
*Drink min of 5 glasses of water a day
*Work out a min of 3 times a week.
*Not eat after 8pm Eat my main meal at lunch time
*And directly from Cammy - Every 1000 minutes of cardio will earn me 1 full fat treat of my choice. A slice of cake, an ice cream, a chocolate bar - whatever I want.

And just so that I can have something to measure my progress against here are the starting numbers from today:
Weight: 263.4 lbs
Bust: 44 inches
Waist: 48.5 inches
Hips: 53.5 inches

And I think that is enough for today ladies. Thank you for reading and for all the encouraging comments and emails that you send me. My heart smiles when I read them.

[ My newest Toy ]

2008-06-26T17:57:00.007-01:00

Normally I am pretty serious and If I am being honest, sometimes I wish I were a little more of a free spirit. Someone who just kicks off her shoes and rolls around on the floor laughing so hard her stomach hurts. I am working on this. Working on being a little more spontaneous, adding a little more fun into my life. One of the ways that I have been doing this is by playing on the Wii! Yup, you read that right…I have a games console! I haven't had one since I was a child and we lived in our old house. I used to love playing games like Mario world, PaperBoy and Frog. Now I got myself an Nintendo Wii and the Wii Fit board and I am having so much fun with it I don’t know why I waited so long.

My favourite activities on the Wii Fit are the Hula Hoping, Steps and the balance games. This morning I unlocked the boxing game and man oh man I can not wait to get some more time to do that one. Bam! Bam! Bam! Block! LOVE IT!

I also splashed out and bought myself the Super Paper Mario game for the Wii a few weeks ago. Another game that i love. I am glad to say that i have now finished chapter 1 and have moved onto chapter 2! Very cool

Oh yeah, and my new little Samsung F210 pink phone. I love that too!

A lot of things have been happening here these past 10 days, so i thought i would give you all a bit of an update

Exercise - Tomorrow night i am heading on over to the local leisure centre to my work and i will be signing up for membership. At the moment i am really busy but i know that right now i could put aside two nights a week to do the Aquafit classes. 120 min of exercise a week would do me the world of good.

Weight - My weight has not really changed this week. Thank you for all the replies about weighing weekly vs daily. I am a curious person so i will probably carry on jumping on the scales in between my weekly weigh ins but for now this is fine.

Job Situation - Well, i have finally decided that i am finished here. I spoke to an agency yesterday and i am going for two job interviews tomorrow. Fingers crossed please ladies!

Desire - Those of you who have been following my blog for a while know how much i loved my camera. Due to needing to get together a lot of money for my permanent residency application i had no choice but to do the adult thing and part with my beloved camera. I know need a new camera. I hate not being able to take photos of things around me and it is really showing in my blog. So i am having to save for a new one but it might be a few months before i can get that sorted out.

My Art - I haven't had much time to do any art lately. I have two unfinished canvases that are waiting for me but i have been tired lately and haven't felt like doing much of anything except reading my current library book, the pact, and watching my DVD sets of Greys Anatomy. I only have another 6 episodes to watch until i am at the end .....again. I really love that show. I cant wait until Season 4 comes out here in the UK.

And that my friends is about it i guess. Take care and catch up soon.

[ Attitude adjustment ]

2008-06-21T17:27:00.004-01:00

First let me just share that last night I went to an Aqua fit class. My fist aqua fit class in about four years and I can tell you that I had a ton of fun! I really really enjoyed it and today, well let me just tell you my tummy muscles worked hard last night. I seem to have a constant dull ache. I am very pleased with myself. They have two classes every week and both of them start at a perfect time so I am going to look into the membership costs and see what I can do. A definite one that I want to do again!

So back to the attitude adjustment…….I think this is something that I need at the moment. Not with everything but more particularly in my job. I am hating my job. I feel like they are taking me for granted. We are a small office and I am the only accounts person in it. They don’t understand what I do or what my job involves. Two of the woman are total cows *I can think of a more appropriate word but I don’t normally swear*. They think they are always right and that everyone else needs to follow what they say. We are moving offices next week. I have picked my place and now today they think that one of the other guys should sit where I want to sit. I know its only a table and a chair but I need the quiet. I want my own space. I don’t want to be In the middle of the room with everyone buzzing around me. I just want that spot and I don’t really care if they think he should sit there instead of me. I want to sit there.

Sorry for the grumbling but the past week has really gotten me down. I am trying to come to this with a better attitude but it is really difficult. Perhaps I just need some time to rest - I am pretty tired which I guess doesn’t help.

[ HYC Update ]

2008-06-17T19:10:00.001-01:00

This week: 264.4 lbs

The scales haven't exactly been going the way I would have liked them to the past few weeks and It has been showing with my updates….or should I say lack of updates. It is so frustrating. Up a pound, down half, up two pounds, no change, up half a pound, down one. I just can seem to get out of this bracket. This morning I had a look back at my records and from the end of April until today I have been fighting with the same four pounds. It is really getting me down and I am trying hard but I am starting to feel hopeless again.

I can definitely tell when I go off track a bit. My body feels horrible and I feel icky. When I am eating properly and exercising I feel good in myself - even though the weight isn't shifting. So that is a positive thing. I like feeling better about myself. I like feeling healthier.

I seem to have hit another snag though. I hurt my knee last week while I was jogging. I can walk OK but when it comes to going up or down stairs it clicks and absolutely aches. My mom has said that I should try to rest it for a few days but here is the problem… I have one flight of stairs at work which I have to go up and down several times a day. I live in a flat that has two flight of stairs in it. There is just no getting away from stairs for me and I don’t want to do any more damage to my knee so I am taking some anti-inflammatory and some glucosamine tablets to help with the joint. I don’t know if this will help or not but I thought that it couldn't’t hurt to give it a try.

So I was wondering if you could answer a question for me? How often do you guys weigh yourself? Do you do It Daily, Weekly or monthly? If you do it daily do the ups and downs upset things? And if you have any suggestions on what to try or do to get myself out of this cycle I would greatly appreciate it.

[ A Full Life ]

2008-06-15T09:40:00.003-01:00

Lately my life has welcomed and experienced (some grudgingly) . . .

Sweet Friends . Laughter. Fresh mornings. Rain. Smelly feet. Soft mints. Flirting. The lose of my sweet kitties. Candles. Questions. Listening. The SUN! Prayer. Expectations and disappointment. Tenderness. Fear. Memories of my grandparents. Mystery. Wii Fit. A blank canvas. A smaller bank account. Loneliness. Courage. Forgiveness. Grace. Lust. Faith. Hope.

[ An End in Sight ]

2008-06-12T18:32:00.002-01:00

So I finally feel like I can see an end in sight. You know how sometimes when you have been waiting for something for so long that when you actually get close to finishing it or having it end it is such a weight off your shoulders. You know how sometimes you feel a little lost as you no longer have to think about it or plan for it or sort it out……its great!

I posted off my application form and money to the Home Office last week and yesterday I received a letter to say that they had received my application and that it will be passed to a case worker. This morning that cheque cleared my account and I can finally see the end in sight!

I have also decided to hand in my notice at work. They take advantage of me and don’t recognise all the hard work and overtime that I do for them so enough is enough and I finally took that step…..I have sent off a few job applications and will see what comes up.

With the whole health scare thing these past few weeks I haven't been all that good with my eating and exercise so this morning when I got on the scale it read 262.4. Not too bad considering all that I have been eating and how little I have been exercising. This week I am back to eating healthy and exercising. My goal for June is to do 350 minutes of exercise and so far I am happy to report that I have done 145 minutes. 20 days to go and 205 minutes left. I can do this!

[ Happy Days ]

2008-06-06T19:53:00.004-01:00

First things first - I got good news today. I am healthy and happy. I might need to go in for minor surgery but that is all that it will be ….minor. I am so relieved! This experience has really been an eye opener for me and like everything else that has been going on in my life this year - this is something that has really been challenging for me.

"If we truly want to create a life that is grounded in basic well-being, we must decide to commit
ourselves to learning what it take to thrive instead of merely survive." - Susan Velasquez

In light of what I have been facing I have had some fantastic emails sent to me. The first was the quote above which was sent by morningmantra and this little quote reminded me that I don’t just want to get through this life ….. I want to thrive! I want to love my life and live it that way. When things go wrong, when dreams are broken, relationships end and you face health scares it is easy to find ourselves in the surviving mode. And you know what, I think that this place is sometimes where we need to be when we are dealing with these situations at the start but for me the key is to not stay there. To not wake up six months down the line and realise that you are still just trying to survive. I want more and I have started to live my life like that. I want to thrive. I want a great life!

And then there is my new banner! I love it. Again it is a gentle reminder for me not to waste my life. To make the most of every single day. To look at my priorities in life and jiggle them around so that they better suit what I want to achieve and how I want to live my life. It is so easy to find yourself going through the motions and I just don’t want to do that anymore. I want to be aware of what is going on around me, as they say I want to stop and smell the roses.

Another thing that I have been working on is being more positive. Thinking positively, doing positively and most importantly speaking positively. A little while ago I got an email from Joel Osteen about Giving your Faith a Voice. He says it better than I do so if you have a few minutes please have a read….it might just change your life!

"Every believer has been given a measure of faith. In order to see the promises of God come to pass in your life, you have to give your faith a voice. You must declare what God says about you in His Word. Those seeds of faith inside you are activated when you speak them out into the atmosphere. That’s why the scripture tells us, “Let the weak say I am strong. Let the poor say I am rich.” When you give your faith a voice and send forth the Word of God out of your mouth, the Bible says that He watches over His Word to bring it to pass in your life. Don’t dig up your seed by speaking against His Word. Don’t allow words of defeat or negativity to come out of your mouth. Instead, water your seed by continuing to declare the Word of God. When you wake up every morning, thank Him that His promises are coming to pass in your life. As you do, you will see those things come to pass, and you will live the life of victory God has prepared for you"

Enough chattering from me I guess. I am off to have a lovely weekend, to spend time with family and friends, to do some exercise, some baking and I might even take some time to do some painting. I haven't had much time to paint these past few months and I miss it so I thought I would get my hands dirty.

Oh yes, did I mention that I already know what I will be giving for Christmas pressies this year? Yup, I am on the ball!

[ The Unkown }

2008-06-05T18:43:00.002-01:00

The Unkown can be a very scary place to be.

This place is where i am right now.

I am off to the doctors tomorrow so if you could say a prayer for me i would greatly appreicate it. I am hoping it is not as bad as what it might be.

[ HYC weekly results and a new summer challenge ]

2008-05-26T11:35:00.005-01:00

I am so pleased with this weeks weigh in results. As of this morning i am sitting at 262.4 lbs which means that i have lost 2.6 lbs and a grand total of 20.6 lbs. That's one fifth of what i wanted to lose gone! I am so pleased. This means that i get to update my Bling badge to this

My exercise has been a little down this week which has been bothering me a little. Can i just say that the lack of exercise has not been because i didn't want to but more because my feet wouldn't let me. My current running shoes have been hurting me so badly that by the time i get back home i can hardly stand on my right foot. It feels bruised and tender and no matter what i do i just haven't been able to change that. I went out and bought special foam liners - no help. I bought special running socks - no help. So today i decided that if i wanted to keep going with my walking/running - which i definitely want to - then i would have to go and buy myself some new running shoes.

These are what i came home with. My first pair of Asics and my first gel shoe. I'm looking forward to going out for a run a little later today. I will let you all know how i get on with them.

Now onto the Summer Challenge. You can find out all about it here. I have emailed my starting weight and am looking forward to journey to follow.

Have a great week everyone!

[ From my heart ]

2008-05-23T20:09:00.002-01:00

I've been rather quiet lately - i know that. I have been doing some healing, going on with life as best that i can. Tonight i have been thinking about when i was a kid and my mom and dad would put me in Time Out when i got out of hand or when i threw tantrums and i have started to realise that that Time Out time was needed for me to regroup. To sort my emotions and my thoughts out before going back into daily life. To get some perspective.

I think that is what i have been doing these past few months. Trying to regroup, trying to find my life path. Sorting out my emotions and my feelings. Getting some perspective.

I cant say that i feel like i have come a long way from a few months back but i can tell you this.....

More and more i am becoming a new person

I am learning to pick up the pieces of my heart and how to put them back together

I am getting some perspective on how dreams can be shattered and in their place new ones can be born

I am learning that i am Strong in so many ways

I think that it is time that i come back to my blog. To my friends who care about me. I think that it is time that i start to live my life the way it was intended to lived.

[ A day trip and an update ]

2008-05-02T07:15:00.005-01:00

Wow, has it really been this long since i last posted? I cant believe it. A lot has happened which i guess is why this gap has occurred. So let me fill you in on what has been going on with me.

Last weekend i had a lovely 4 day weekend. On Friday i decided to treat myself. I got in the car and headed up the motorway. I ended up stopping in Newark. A lovely little "seaside town" without the sea. It does have a river though so i guess you could say it is a riverside town. Anyway, it was just what i needed. Some fresh air, lots of walking, some shopping, some thinking and lots and lots of fun!

These photos were taken with my camera phone so some of them are not the best but that's ok

Do you know what else i love? Bumping into friends who you haven't seen in ages! Well, if i am being accurate it was she who bumped into me but we chatted, did a bit of catching up and are going out this weekend. I am really looking forward to it.

I have also started walking 5 days a week. I get up early and walk about 2 miles Monday through to Friday. I am loving it. I have even started to add a LITTLE jogging into the mix. I have a lovely little park near my house and this is where i go every morning. Before i know it i will be running the full 2 miles!

Because of this and because i have been working on eating better i have now lost 15.5 pounds! Wohoo to me.

I have also decided to go back to Uni in October. I no longer feel that accounting is what i want to be doing and in a life that is so short i just feel like i need to be doing something that i am going to love doing. something that will allow me to help other people, to make a difference and that might be a little more suited to me. I am going to get my BSc (honours) Psychology degree.

I am also going to try to get my Indefinite Leave to Remain over the next two months. It is a lot of money but if i can get it before i register for Uni then i will be able to get Financial Aid as well - which will be a big help. Ill also get money towards a new computer which will be great!

That's about it i think - well at least what i can remember at the moment. Hope everyone has a great weekend.

[ A word game ]

2008-04-21T11:50:00.006-01:00

I just feel like playing right now.......

1. Cellphone: borrowed

2.My hair: growing

3.Work: undecided

4. My sibling: odd

5. My favorite thing: sharing

6. My dream last night: unrememberable

7. Favorite drink: iced tea

8. Dream car: free

9. The room I’m in : office

10. My tummy: rumbling

11. My shoes: old

12. My fears: real

13. What do I want to be in 10 years: happy

14. Who did I hang out with this weekend: family

15. What I am not good at: joking

16. Muffin: apple-cinnamon

17. One of my wish list items: children

18. Where I grew up: South Africa

19. Last thing I did: reading

20. Wearing: new shirt

21. Not wearing: matching socks

22. My pets: gone

23. My computer: broken

24. My life: developing

25. My mood: frustrated

26. Missing: Rayola

27. What I am thinking about right now: the direction of my life

28. My car: Feebie

29. My kitchen: tiny

30. My weather: wet

31. Favorite color: pink

32. Last time I laughed: this morning

33. Last time I cried: last night

34. School: future

35. Love: ArmyWives

[ Ally McBeals Words of Wisdom ]

2008-04-18T12:15:00.005-01:00

These past few weeks and months have really been a growing time for me. I have had some ups and i have had some pretty big downs. But you know what........more and more i am feeling like a beautiful butterfly. I am changing and growing and i feel like i am really coming into my own. I love it! I love who i am turning out to be. I love the person that i am becoming. I am enjoying each new day and each new experience because it is molding me into someone beautiful and full of life.

Last night after work i sat watching old reruns of Ally Mcbeal. Everyone knows her and the dancing baby but other than that i have only really watched a handful of episodes over the last few years. Anyway, last night i learnt a lot of things from her and John Cage. I learnt that even though your heart might be broken you still need to believe for Love. I was reminded that it's okay to cry all day if you have to and that these last few months i have learnt to live emotionally more than any other time in my life. I have loved, i have lost, i have grieved, i have grown - i have lived emotionally.

There were many songs last night on that one hour show (more than normal if i had to guess) but my favourite song, the song that spoke to me the most was "You're still you" by Josh Groban. I just love this guys voice. Its beautiful. I will definitely be adding his songs to my playlist over the weekend.

[ LMAO ]

2008-04-16T07:03:00.000-01:00

Yes i know we are four months into this year already and yes i have only just bought myself a 2008 calender but when i opened it to April and saw this at the top of it i couldn't help but LMAO!

I got my passport back last week and the photo in it so horrible - I mean worse than the normally bad looking passport photos. As my gran says " It tickled my fancy something awful!"

[ I broke it ]

2008-04-15T07:59:00.001-01:00

My computer that is!

My brother is coming round tonight to see if he can fix it. Fingers crossed i will be back and up running soon.

[ Crazy, crazy update ]

2008-04-14T04:34:00.000-01:00

My life is just crazy at the moment. They say it takes two weeks for something new to become a habit, a routine. I am hoping that it will only take one. This is what i have been up to lately.....

Last week i went for a job interview for a second job. I got the job and started on Tuesday evening. Due to the times i have to go straight from my all day job to my second job but the second job is only for two and a half hours and i am so very busy that the time just flies by.

After waiting for 5 months i got my new passport last week. The photo is just awful but at least i have got it.

I baked these during the week......they tasted so bad they ended up in the bin...lol*

I am going to Switzerland in 3 weeks time and i can not wait. I have never been so i plan on taking loads of photos. It is only for two days and i am going with work but i am sure there will be plenty of time for some sight seeing while i am there.

This weekend i treated myself to these Pecan Caramel Cupcakes - they were just heavenly!
*

Working two jobs last week was just crazy and i was so tired that i didn't end up cooking proper meals or doing the things that i should have been doing round the house. So this weekend i spent some time planning and organising my week ahead. Fingers crossed it will make this week go a lot easier than last week.

Sunday we went to a new IKea store. Let me just say that the stuff that they have is just gorgeous. There is so much to love and if i had enough money, a bigger flat and a delivery truck i would have bought so much more...lol. Instead i came home with some new tea towels, a energy saving light bulb and this cute table lamp.*

I have done no studying this past week or this weekend! I have got some planned in for this coming week though.

I spent Saturday night working on this. I call it Life Lessons. I stopped in at WH Smiths on Saturday afternoon and picked up this pad of acrylic paint canvas paper stuff. It was on sale at half price and just couldn't resist.

[ Green Gable ]

2008-04-08T20:08:00.003-01:00

This is Gable and she is only three quarters of the way finished.

I thought i would have had enough yarn to finish her but i am 1 ball short so i will have to put her aside for now until i can manage to order some more from the states.

She was only begun about 4 weeks. For some of you that would be ages ago - for me that is pretty quick. I am so pleased with how my knitting skills are improving. The overall look is so much better and i hardly even had to frog it...and those of you who know me know that i am the frogging queen....lol

So soon i will get to start a new knitting project. I have a few in mind but most importantly i will make sure i have enough yarn to finish said project

At the moment i have my head stuck in a book - My sister's Keeper to be more precise. Loving it and i am only a few chapters in.

[ So excited ]

2008-04-03T13:13:00.003-01:00

Its all booked - my holiday for this year

I haven't had a holiday in such a long time

I can not wait

20 weeks and counting

7 nights in a beautiful hotel right on the beach front in Inverness

A great price as well

Warm summer nights

Dolphins almost guaranteed be there to be spotted

So excited - I can not wait!

[ Be in your skin ]

2008-04-01T10:10:00.003-01:00

"Always be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else"

Jude Garland

This is another topic from this book that i have been talking about. Being in your skin. Only a few words but oh so powerful. My art journal talks about how Being in your Skin means not pretending that you are someone that you are not. Your personality, your looks - who you are both good and bad make you You. If you want to fully appreciate who you are and where you are at this moment in life you have to be brave enough to Be in your skin.....to be real to yourself and others.

I am learning to be confident in who i am now. In how i look at this moment of time. Learning to love myself regardless of the dissapointment of broken dreams, regardless of what others say and of the pressure that i put on myself.

I am learning to Be in my skin and to be honest i am having a pretty good time along this journey

I know my posts have been pretty short lately and that is ok. Thank you all the emails and the comments - They are so much appreicated and loved

I thought i would leave you with a song that i am currently listening to over and over again in my car. A very special someone introduced me to this song - Thank you.

[ Today I Heart ]

2008-03-31T03:01:00.000-01:00

Making people around me feel good about themselves

Making a healthy menu

Making.....so many different things

Smelling a freshly brewed cup of coffee

Smelling the air just after it has finished raining

Smelling my grans perfume on her letters

Taking time out for me

Taking a walk in the park

Taking a different route home

Watching the sun rise

Watching ArmyWives

Watching dogs run and play in the park

Finding money in my jeans pocket

Finding some cool mail on my doorstep when i get home

Finding those "everyday" blessings in my life
*

[ A Great Tip ]

2008-03-28T10:49:00.004-01:00

I thought i would share a tip. You might already know this and it is probably old news but just in case you are as behind the times as i am, i thought i would share.

Last night i was doing a page in my art journal. Its ones of those pages that seem to come together all on its own. The inspiration hit me while i was crying along with ArmyWives, so i found a scrap piece of paper, wrote it down, dried my eyes and finished watching.

When i started working on my page i decided to use one of my pens and do my journaling directly onto my photo. I didn't even give it a second thought that the pen that i was using might not actually be any good to write on a photo with. I picked up my photo to stick to my page and my finger smudged my thoughts.

I was totally freaking out because this was my only photo that i had and i cant get another one (a lesson to be learnt here - i know) and now i had ruined it with my smudged finger print. How was i going to fix this one?

I sat back and took a few deep breaths. Then it dawned on me - I remember hearing somewhere that to stop glitter from falling off of art items you can use hairspray to keep it on. So i picked up my photo, held my breath and began to spray my photo. Ten minutes later the hairspray had dried and *ta da* my journaling no longer smudged off.

I don't know what the effects are from an archival point of view but for my art journal it seems to have worked perfectly!

[ So Grateful ]

2008-03-27T14:44:00.011-01:00

I am so grateful for so much in my life at the moment:

Fond memories of a happy past

A hopeful and blessed future

My family

Friends - near and far, old and new

Mom's family muffin recipe

Feebie

Shoes that fit well and don't give me blisters

My ittle sewing machine

My "arty farty nature" - thanks Dad for the term

Those old songs that send you back in time to both happy and not so happy times

Dreams

For learning to loving those things about me that make me Me

To my Heavenly Father for the relationship that we share and that we are building on

For the promise of Spring and all that it brings along with it

For Life

[ Glimpses of the real me ]

2008-03-26T19:10:00.003-01:00

Words or actions, that is the choice we each face in many aspects of our lives each day. We talk about eating right, about exercising, about getting organized, about spending more time on those important things, about cleaning the car, about doing something nice for our loved ones. We talk about a lot of things. On January 1, we talk about our New Year's resolutions. By February 1, many are ancient history.

Actions vs simply talking has been sitting on my heart for a while now. Its something i think that we are all guilty of at some time or another but i had let it get to a point where all the talking that i had done and all the lack of actually carrying these things out had started to make me feel like a failure. I don't want to be one of those people who never do what they say. My word means something to me and i don't want to lose that.

A couple of weeks ago i came across this book that a friend of mine had recommended a while back. I found a copy on eBay and it arrived just in time for the Easter Break.

What a great book. It is easy to read, truthful, hard hitting and so relevant for where i am right now. I didn't want to write in my book so every page that has something meaningful for me i have bookmarked. So much good stuff! So much to think about and apply!

From the title of this book it probably isnt what you think it is about....but then again perhaps it is. This book is about living your life now, being in this moment of your life, about realising that more often than not there is more going on emotionally than what we think. There is so much more i can say about this book but for now i will leave it here.

This is a journey for me. I don't know if it is going to take months or years for me to feel like i am where i want to be in this area but i do know that this is something that i am working on and will have to work on daily. Loving myself, truly loving myself is something that i am learning to do. It sounds simple. It sounds like this is something that you should be doing automatically but its not - at least not for me.

Over the next few weeks and months i will be sharing more of my journey on my blog. The good times and the bad times. Things that i have learnt and things that i am battling to get a grip on. These are not just words - These are actions.

And what better way to experience and really feel my journey than to art it. This is my Best Me art journal. Many more pages to come, many more pages to share.

[ A Great Easter Weekend ]

2008-03-24T21:07:00.002-01:00

This is what we woke up to Easter morning. Snow all over the place. It was beautiful. I got up, made myself a cup of tea, opened the curtains and just enjoyed the snow. The peacefulness. It was lovely.

I got so much done that i had hoped to do. I spent time with family and friends. I made some really good progress with my knitting project. I painted a new canvas. Cleaned up the flat. I did some more on my quilt.
And also managed to put together my photo frame for in the lounge. The lounge is my favourite room at the moment. I am really enjoying making it my own.
I also did a lot of reading, some art journaling and some cooking. A good few days off of work.

[ vintage love ]

2008-03-19T11:39:00.002-01:00

1. a little rust, 2. Jen Duncan's super cute kitchen!, 3. 098/, 4. family room, 5. Untitled, 6. aubrey, 7. Old records & pepito, 8. day 49: me & my pucci, 9. Letter´s Lives, 10. 69/366, 11. vintage kitchen things, 12. Vintage Silhouettes, 13. Leaf Pocket Bag (Vintage Orange), 14. Delicate, 15. 0604 vintage cutlery, 16. goin' nowhere fast

This is what i am falling more and more in love with lately..... All things vintage

Fresh Flower Love

2008-03-18T18:06:00.000-01:00

Yesterday morning i decided to buy myself some flowers. I love having fresh flowers in the flat and with money being a little tight i haven't been able to have too many over the last few months. They cost me £1. Yup only £1 and somehow, the shop have managed to guarantee them for 5 days! How do you guarantee flowers and who on earth actually takes the flowers back if they happen to die on day 4?

[ From my art Journal]

2008-03-17T07:49:00.002-01:00

I made this last week after seeing this post on Sarah Bowen's blog. It was very freeing writing down the things that i worry about. It helped to see it in black and white and in some cases it helped me to realise that some of my worries are silly and are out of my control. I am currently reading a book called Let the healing begin and the chapter that i have just finished reading is about those fears in our life that hold us back. The ones that are small and the ones that are big. The ones that are a real fear and those that still cause us to fear but when looked at from a different perspective are not founded fears. I am glad that i have this recorded in my art journal.

And thank you to Stu who has noticed and pointed out to me that my top left hand corner in the quilt block below is wrong. I wouldn't be me if i didn't have to unpick or frog several times during a project.....lol. Anyway, it is now fixed and the second one has been made. Pictures to come soon.

Im hooked

2008-03-16T13:17:00.000-01:00

On this. Only been watching it a few weeks and love love love it! Especially the theme song thingy

Fabulous Friday

2008-03-14T07:51:00.001-01:00

So last night this didn't happen. Instead i spent some time putting this together...

The first block of my first full size quilt. I love how it has turned out. I really like the colours and am so pleased with myself as i had to make alterations to the original pattern. You see when i first got this fabric a few months back i was so excited that i just started cutting and figured i would find a pattern that i liked later.....not such a smart idea, i know. But luckily i have managed to find a pattern that i like and it seems to have turned out alright. Needless to say that i wont be doing that again!! LOL.

After i finished that i watched this instead..... I have seen this movie several times but it really is one of my favourites. Such a good love story. Just what i needed.

A Thursday evening

2008-03-13T10:36:00.003-01:00

A good movie and some knitting - what more could you want for a Thursday evening!

An assortment of things

2008-03-12T08:48:00.008-01:00

I have an assortment of things on my mind lately so i hope you don't mind if today's post is a little all over the place.

Lets start with knitting. I haven't done any knitting in a few months now due to moving and studying and and and but i am glad to say that last weekend i picked up a pattern that i love, some yummy yummy Brown Sheep yarn and made a start on this pattern. It is coming together so nicely and so much quicker than what i thought it would. I will take some photos soon. This morning i was reading Adrienne's blog and she had a link up for the new Knitty patterns. I love Knitty and so decided to head on over to see what other patterns i can add to the list ......seeing as the knitting bug has bitten and i may as well take advantage of it while its around.

First off we have the Honeycomb pattern which can be found here. I love the elegance of this pattern and am thinking about one of these in green.And how about Jaden? The pattern can be found here. I think this is just gorgeous.

Then there is Nob Hill which can be found here. "Another shrug?" your saying..... i know, i know. I cant help but love these cute little things.

And then we have this one. It is totally gorgeous but unfortunately i think it is out of skills range. I love how feminine it looks and all the details...... maybe one day!

And how about some quilting. I thought i had a photo to share with you guys but it looks like it must still be on my camera. The design that i have finally decided on looks really nice but then one of my friends threw in the idea of adding in a 5Th colour to it and now i am not sure what to do..... i think some more thought will be needed for this one.

And then we have my desire of getting more involved with photography. I really really want to start doing wedding photography but i am not sure how to go about it. I think i should probably first see if i can find a wedding photography course and then once i have done that then take it from there. If anyone has any suggestions please feel free to leave a comment or email me.

Then i also have some paintings that i want to do. I have ideas in my head but just not enough time to get them done.

I have also been thinking about opening up and Esty shop but i guess before i go about opening it i should really make some things to put in it.

A few days ago i came across this Inspired by Amelie Blog and i love it.I am definitely going to have go to watch the movie, not that it hasn't been on my list of things to do for ages now but anyhoo. This has now jumped to the top of the list.

And that is that folks, at least for now anyway. I am sure that i will have more to add to this list soon - I always do. Have a great Wednesday.

Hidden Magic

2008-03-11T04:17:00.000-01:00

Lately i have been thinking a lot about what i want from life. What i want to do with my life and how i want to live it. I know these are big questions which don't really have one exact answer but i have been able to add different ideas and thoughts to my answer. I find that some of my answers are really sensible and others are just totally out there. As practical as those sensible ideas are i am finding it more exciting to think about those "totally out there" ones. Its those wacky ideas which i find are normally the ones that challenge me, that help me to grow and help me to achieve all that i want to. Dreaming is good. Taking up those dreams and trying to make a go of them - even if you do fail- is so important. Who i am, what i believe and how i live my life is something that i am figuring out at the moment.

This canvas is something that i painted over the weekend. I am so pleased with how she has turned out. I do need to practice a lot more on eyes because that is the part that i feel lets her down just a little. Other than that she makes me happy every time i walk into the lounge and see her hanging on my wall. The flower design is something that i "lifted" from one of the many blogs that i visit so the design is somebody else's credit but the rest is all me.

A Study Free weekend

2008-03-10T04:08:00.001-01:00

The anatomy of a good weekend:

- Spending time with good friends

- Thanks to Stu for finding me a free kitchen table and chairs for my flat

- Getting broadband and setting it up in my flat

- Finally figuring out what i am going to do with my fabric for my quilt and actually piecing the first full square

- Doing a page in my art journal with a prompt from Shimelle's February Challenge

- Giving Feebie a much needed bath - she looks so clean and shiny now

- Having dinner with family

- Renting a few DVDs for during the week

- Trying and loving a new recipe for Banana Bread which can be found here

- Starting a knitting project that i have been wanting to do for a few months now
- Doing all my ironing and cleaning - Yay me!

I say, i say i have now joined the 21st century!

2008-03-08T09:45:00.004-01:00

Yeah baby i have internet at home!!

Come on Weekend!

2008-03-07T11:06:00.001-01:00

I have got that Friday feelin today. I am sitting in the office dreaming of all the other nice places that i would rather be. Spring is in the air and i am finding that it is really tugging me to get my butt in gear and start doing more of the things that i want to do.

So this weekend i am going to start doing a few of those things that i am sitting here wishing i could be doing today.

- I am going to our local park to meet up with K

- I will be making a start on a quilt which has been patiently waiting for about six months for me to finally make a decent start on it

- I am in desperate need of a decent size kitchen table for my lounge. I am finding it so difficult to study, sew, paint on the little side table that i currently have. Hopefully i will win one on eBay tonight and can go and collect it tomorrow or Sunday

- This weekend is a study free weekend so i am going to get out my paints and do some painting, some art journaling and some card making

- I have got a picture in my head of a wall display that i want to put together so i might try to get some things together for that as well

- I will be spending some time with my family

-And if that is not enough to do i think i will pick up a move from blockbusters tonight

So, what will you be doing?

My Good friends Ben & Jerry

2008-03-06T06:22:00.000-01:00

....came for a visit yesterday afternoon. I failed my exam. So dissapointed! But today is a new day and i am able to re-write it. Going to do some more revision and then try again. All is not lost!

Love letters

2008-03-03T11:06:00.000-01:00

My favourite sort of letters. Letters of love from my 81 year old gran all the way from South Africa. Thanks Granny - Your letters always make my day!

Hopefully my poor blog will be back to some state of normality from Wednesday afternoon.

Happy Leap Year

2008-02-29T05:18:00.004-01:00

I love leap year! To get an extra day is such a great thing. I know that a lot of people (especially those in my office today) are moaning that they have to come to work and work for free today but i am glad for the extra day. Its a day extra that we can live that doesn't make us any older, its a day extra that i have for studying and revision before my exams, its a day extra that i have to create or spend with my family.

I say wohoo for Leap Years!

Every night before turning off my light i always try to give myself some time to read. Normally i like to have about half hour or so but lately it has sometimes been only 10 minutes. I am OK with that for now. Here are some of the books on my nightstand. "Will the real me please stand up" is a book that i have read before but it is well worth a second read, and possibly even a third and a fourth.

Last weekend i spent some time putting together an inspiration area. I was reading about them while blog surfing last week and love the idea. It is such a nice way to add colour and inspiration to your home. Mine is not yet complete but i don't want to add just anything to it so this is how it looks for now.
These are items that i picked up from Paperchase, cut out of magazines and even a flyer that came through the mail. Inspiration truly is all around us.
*

This weekend is Mothers Day here in the UK. I have my mom and dad coming round on Sunday for a nice roast dinner and cant wait to give my mom her mothers day gift. I try to let her know as often as possible just how much i love her and how much she means to me but i love having a day that is set aside especially for this. So, provided that i manage to cook the meal in my gas oven without burning it, it should be a good day for all.
*

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

An insiders look into my art journal

2008-02-28T05:15:00.000-01:00

What have i been doing lately? Studying and working, and studying and studying and .. you guessed it - studying. lol.

Only six more days and then the first one will be over.

Today i thought i would share some peeks into my art journal. These are pages that i have done over the past 6 weeks or so. They are all very personal which is why i am just showing part of them. Some of these pages i spent days doing (the envelope one) and others i threw together in a matter of 20 minutes.

An art journal is something that i have only really been doing for about five or six months now but you know...now that i have started one, i think it will be something that i keep up with for a long time to come. I love the freedom of it, the personal space. Something that is for you alone and that has no standards to meet.

I know my entries have been a little sporadic and "not my normal style" but i am hoping that soon i will get back into the swing of things. So thank you for every ones kind comments and emails over the last few weeks - lets hope things get back to normal soon.

February Love

2008-02-27T11:03:00.001-01:00

As February is the month of Love i thought today might be a good day to focus on things that i am loving this month.

* My new hair do. I am loving it. I can blow dry it straight or if i want a bit of body to it i just have to dry it using my fingers and walla - curly waves!
* So far i have lost 10.5 pounds. I have been super good this past week or so and haven't yet been on the scales lately so i am pretty confident that it is a little more than that.
* Having the sun go down just that little bit later and later every day is a great mood lifter.
* Playing around with Photo Shop and my camera
* Mom's home cooked meals on a Saturday evening.
* The ceramics class that i went to last night - so much fun.
* I am loving bakingbits.com
* The new friends that i am making
* Getting to know myself a little better and finding me again.
* I am loving the fact that we have an earthquake across the country and I manage to sleep right through it and yet a car can drive by the flat and that will wake me....lol

Ants in my pants.....

2008-02-22T12:39:00.003-01:00

This is something we always used to say as children in our house. It was always a big joke and whenever someone used to say it we used to jiggle about and squirm as if we really did have ants in our pants......

Today i feel as if i have got Ants in my pants. Unfortunately, not in the fun childlike sense but in the sense that i just want everything now. I don't want to have to wait anymore! Things that i know are going to take time to come to pass, things that need to be worked on, nurtured and loved ..... I WANT THEM NOW! I don't want to have to wait around for them to happen. I want to wake up tomorrow morning and if i cant have all the things that i seem to so desperately want at the moment, at least i should be able to have, lets say, two of them. I think that is a perfectly fair deal. I wont be greedy and want them all - i can be happy with just two.

I know, i know - I am sounding very childish and immature and i am really trying to "live for the now" and "make each moment count" so that i can be happy at the place where i am this very minute but today i am finding it hard. Today i want the easy fixes. I don't want to have to work hard for things or make sacrifices. I just want things to be easy.

Living in the Kitchen

2008-02-21T06:28:00.000-01:00

I am loving my kitchen at the moment. My new flat has lots of countertop space and it makes for fabulous cooking. These are two recipes that i tried last week that will be in my "to do again" book.
Scrummy Brownies

POINTS® value: 1.5

Ingredients

3 medium egg(s)
30 g cocoa powder
80 g half-fat butter
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
50 g self raising flour
150 g caster sugar

Insturctions

Whisk the eggs and caster sugar together. Whisk in the cocoa, vanilla and flour. Melt the butter and then whisk into the mix. Pour into a lined square baking tin greased with a spray of fry lite. Bake in oven preheated to 180 C for approx. 10 minutes . Check if the brownies are ready by putting a thin knife or skewer into the tin, if it comes out clean of mixture they are done, if not leave a little longer. When done, take out the tin, cut into 16 squares and leave to cool in the tin. When cool, turn them out and enjoy!
I found this recipe on the community board of WeightWatchers and decided that it looked too go to pass by. This is now definately one of my all time favourites and i have already made this twice. The first time i added some green leafies to it and the second time it was just as the recipe called for. Both times it was totally yum. The only thing that i did not add either time was the cumin but perhaps next time i will give that a go too.

Quick and Easy Butternut Soup

From the kitchen of SARAHBOX

Estimated POINTS® value Per Serving 0
Servings 4

Soups Community built Recipe

Ingredients

1 Butternut Squash
1 onion
1 1/2 pints chicken or vegetable stock
1 tsp olive oil
Salt and Pepper
1 tsp cumin (optional)
Few drops Worcestershire Sauce (optional)

Instructions

Finely chop the onion and gentl fry in the olive oil to soften.
Meanwhile, chop the butternut squash into 1 inch cubes.
Add butternut squash and hot stock to the pan and boil for 15 minutes, or until squash is soft.
Whizz in a food processor and season to taste, adding cumin or Worcestershire sauce if desired.

We have pictures

2008-02-20T11:04:00.003-01:00

So, we finally have some pictures on this blog! Pictures from my camera - I am so psyched about this....lol

I can only show you a few a day because well, if i showed you them all today then i would have nothing to share for the rest of the days right....and we dont want that!

Yesterday i got such a nice package from Amazon. I ordered this book because i thought that with everything that i am going through at the moment it might be a great way for me to sort out my feelings, to learn more about myself and to help with the healing processes.......and of course it looks great and has so many talented ladies in it. And i was right - this book is awesome! I sat down last night and had a quick flick through it. The prompts, the art journal pages, the work is just all so touching and thought provoking. I just know that this book is going to be a really good thing for me.

As well as the above book, i also got my SuperChicks CD! I LOVE IT. This is my favourite song at the moment for so many many reasons. Before you play the video just pause the music on my sidebar, turn your speakers up LOUD (but not if you are at work of course) and hit the play button!

This is my latest canvas that i painted last weekend. It is 6 x 6 and was a lot of fun to do. I was trying to just do something a little different, no expectations, no standards to match. I just wanted to have fun, relax and keep my mind busy. This is now hanging in my lounge and the only thing i might change are the yellow curtains. For some reason they really do look as bright and yellow in real life as they do in this photo.......will definately have to do something. If you do have any suggestions or ideas please feel free to leave me a comment. I love hearing from you!
14 days till my first exam!! Scary or what?

It's the little things

2008-02-19T16:19:00.000-01:00

Its funny how it is so often the little things that make such a big difference - good and bad. I used to think that it was mainly the big things in life that defined who you were as a person but more and more i am realising that it is not simply those big once off events that shape who we are but it is also those small everyday things that also have a hand in shaping us.

Now i am not saying that those big once off things in life dont shape us - they definately do. I am having first hand experience with that at the moment. But by going through this big thing i am learning that life is made with those little things. Finding a parking space right outside my house after work, seeing a letter from my lovely gran in the mailbox, sharing a smile with someone who you care deeply about. Those are the moments that shape us, that make life the little bit better.

This is just something that i have been finding in my life lately - just my thoughts.

I treid to be really organised this past weekend. I took all the photos that i wanted for the week, went round to my parents and used their internet to upload them to my blog. Monday morning i came to post and something must have happened to them because i couldnt get any of them to open. So, i am having to be picture free again! Very frustrating.

I have so many things to post but for now i am going to wait until i can get my pictures uploaded properly. I dont want to tell the stories but miss out on the photos.

I came across this quote a while ago and thought i would share......have a great day everyone.

Faith Isnt Faith Unilt It's All You're Holding On To

I want to watch this....

2008-02-18T13:00:00.000-01:00

Whose my Jelly?

2008-02-15T09:09:00.003-01:00

LA is having a challenge over at her blog and when i read it i just totally knew i had to do it.Your PB & J:
You know that friend who is perfect for you and you for them...the one that is easy to love and easy to be with. The one you start to miss with a "what is missing" feeling in your tummy when you haven't talked or seen or connected with.
What to do:
Post a photo of you and your jelly or just of your jelly and tell us why you love them so...Blog about your Jelly...

She is my Jelly.....

This is Rayo. My jelly. My BFF. She gets me. She knows me. She tells me what i need to hear and not always what i would rather hear. We have laughed togher, cried together, grown together and been on holidays together. Even now, after not being able to see her for six and a half years her words can touch my heart. She is down to earth and keeps me grounded. She is my Best Friend Forever! I love you Rayo - Thank you for being such a big part of who i am today. Thank you for loving me and accepting me just as I am. It is so rare to find someone who gets you, who knows how you feel without you having to say a word. You are my gem, my light in this sometimes crazy world.

A bit of fun....

2008-02-14T09:31:00.006-01:00

I came across this test for your TV boyfriend on this great blog! My TV boyfriend is no other than......*drum roll please*.................

Dr. Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey)
McDreamy, McSensitive, McSmartypants, McDedicated and devastatingly McHandsome, the good doctor of Seattle Grace is, quite simply, McPerfect. Oh, okay, he's only human, which means he has a flaw or two, but heaven knows it's nothing that hair won't make up for. Besides, how can you not love a man that sexy, stylish and, well, let's be honest, loaded, who chooses to live in an Airstream in the woods? You've got fine taste, girl!

When this came up i laughed so hard i almost fell off my chair - and at work of all places!! McDreamy - your my tv boyfriend - yum!

Happy Valentines Day

2008-02-14T08:02:00.001-01:00

Got this in my email today - thought i would share it!

The why's?

2008-02-13T12:18:00.004-01:00

This is a post that i wrote on Friday. I had every intention of posting it and then chickened out. I wasnt sure if i should put it all out there for everyone to see. But i have decided that living involves the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly. So today i am being real - I am putting it out there. Not for your sake but for mine!

**********

I guess i am struggling with this at the moment....i call them the why's? You know the questions, the thoughts that run round and round your head. The questions that you know you will never really get answered and yet you still find yourself thinking about them.

Today i came across this post. It was me all over....

"There are moments when we want to cry out of anger and frustration, moments of deep sadness where the tears seem to pour out of our eye sockets like a burst dam, and unexpected moments like these where the tears surface and catch themselves just on the edge of spilling over. I find those moments often times startling and bittersweet, because those instances tend to occur when it isn't appropriate or convenient or maybe even necessary to immediately dive into a good, solid cry. They are just little reminders of what makes our hearts tug, what sends a chill of recognition and maybe even gratitude right down into the depths of our souls."

I am concentrating really hard at the moment to stay positive but when you find out he has managed to move on after only three weeks of a six and a half year relationship ending you tend to wonder. How is it that he has managed to find himself someone else to love so soon.

I was sitting at my desk at work when i found out. And it was just one of those moments where i couldnt stop the tears from coming. It was not the right place or the right time but i had no control over it. I sobbed all the way home - that type of crying where it comes from your very inner being. You feel like your insides are breaking, your chest is caving in. You cant stop the tears. I bet my fellow other drivers must have wondered what on earth was the matter with me.

Yes, it was me who made the final decision to ends things but what seems to be forgotten are all the little decisions up to that point which left me feeling like this would be the best thing. Just because i ended it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt.

I was feeling better, my spirits were lifting and then , out of no where BAM the feelings hit once again like a wave against the ocean. If i had to put a title to my day it would be "Im too sad to tell you". Sometimes words are not enough to explain all that you feel - sometimes the only thing that you can do is let the tears fall.

Whats new?

2008-02-13T08:55:00.005-01:00

I must say that i seem to be having major photo withdrawl at the moment. Last night i took loads of photos, edited them but as i am without internet they are still sitting on my hardrive. Poo!

So, today i decided that i would do the naughty thing and pick up some photos from google image. Just to make sure - Please note that none of these photos were taken by me.

My spirits are lifting which is a good thing. I feel like a new flower blooming and i am loving it.

So whats new with me? What have i been up to? What have i been doing? How about some visual prompts.....

I am going to watch Juno on Saturday evening - cant wait!

I have been really enjoying the warmer weather, bluer skies and little blossoms which are showing up everywhere.
Home and away is the only Soap that i watch ....but i do have to watch it every day!

I feel like i am becoming a wize in the kitchen. My most recent creations include Butternut squash soup and some delicious weight watchers brownies. (Actual photos and recipes to follow sometime next week) I am loving Superchicks! Been listening to them non-stop. Waiting for another one of their albums to arrive in the post.Started a new knitting project a few days ago. I only knit for an hour or two while i watch my soap and perhaps another programme.Have i mentioned i have also been catching up on CSI? I went through a phase of not enjoying it that much but the bug seems to have snuck up on me again and i am watching it when ever i can.I also have a few paintings which are on the go at the moment. I really should sit down and finish one before i move onto another one...lolJust around the corner from my new flat is a lovely park that i have been going for a walk in the past few days. Getting home by 4:40 gives me a little more sunshine in my early evening.And this little book has been a great inspiration to me over the past few weeks. I am so pleased that bought it when i did.

This is probably about it for now. Happy hump day - Looking forward to tomorrow night and saturday!

Oh yeah, and my spell check doesnt seem to be working so pardon any bad spelling which makes it past me.

Me

2008-02-12T09:52:00.000-01:00

"It isn’t until you come to a spiritual understanding of who you are — not necessarily a religious feeling, but deep down, the spirit within — that you begin to take control." - Oprah Winfrey

This morning this quote arrived in my inbox and the moment i read it i knew that not only was it true but it also applied to me.

These past few weeks have been a bumpy ride as they say, but looking back and looking at where i am today i can honestly say that i have begun to take control. Control of my life, of my eating habbits, my thought life, my finances and my social life. Each morning that i wake up i wake up with this feeling of hope and expectancy for good things. Its nice to wake up feeling like this rather than waking up feeling low.

Yesterday i went for a job interview - fingers crossed i hear from them soon. Thursday night i am going round to a group from the church for dinner - really looking forward to this. I have been concentrating on my eating and my health and so far i have lost 8.5 pounds. I have been working on myself, getting to know how i am, what i like and dislike and most importantly what it is that I want from this life. This last one is definately an ongoing process but i feel good that i have made a start on it.

Between working and studying i have been doing a lot of work in my art journal. Its has all been very personal, very honest and very deep. I love it! I love how it has helped me realise what my feelings are about certain things. It has given me an avenue to express my dissapointments, to get my feelings out in black and white and to see the growth that i have experienced in just these short few weeks. It has given me some much needed perspective.

I have a few other projects that i have been working on, a painting that is probably half way done, a new knitting project that i started last night. Things are looking up!

Art Slam - What do you stand for?

2008-02-06T12:55:00.000-01:00

Last night i decided to take some time off of studying and spent it watching CSI and doing some paiting in my art journal. I had so much fun with this page and am so pleased with how it has turned out. This prompt is from Art Slam. I am a few weeks behind because of the move and studying but i dont think anyone will mind. I used acrylic paints, water, post it notes, masking tape and a magazine. Totally fab!

So, what do you stand for?

.

[ A lovely little gift for me ]

Chattsworth House - Dad's Birthday

[ So whats going on? ]

[ Christmas Challenge WI Results Week 4 ]

[ Its tough at the moment ]

[ Christmas Challenge WI Result - Week 3 ]

[ Pigs ]

[ YouTube Rocks! ]

[ 101 Things to Do in 1001 Days ]

[ Christmas Challenge WI Result - Week 2 ]

[ On A Mission For A Sports Bra ]

[ A jumble of thoughts ]

[ Campainging For Creativity - Every Day ]

[ Christmas Challenge WI Result - Week 1 ]

[ Knowing your place in this world ]

[ My Weekend in Pictures ]

[ It appears I have become a Fan ]

[ Life goes on ]

[ Pitty Party for 1 - Be ware, its not a pretty sight ]

[ The Start of the Christmas Challenge ]

[ Every woman needs one of these ]

[ A quote to live by ]

Applesauce Oatmeal Muffins

[ A night out at the Ballet ]

[ A sneak into my new flat - Pre wall art ]

[ My Patchwork Heart ]

[ What a difference a year makes ]

[ A weight update ]

[ Scotland ]

[ My Whirlwind ]

[ I have decided to go with the flow……. ]

[ Look what came ]

[ A lot going on ]

[ The Joys of Food Journals ]

[ My heart is here ]

[ I really did want to have his baby ]

[ Sharing is Caring ]

[ HYC Update ]

[ So psyched ]

[ Excuses no more ]

[ Happy, Exciting News ]

[ Have a little Faith }

[ Ouch to Body Pump and a catch up]

[ Finally ]

[ Believe in better days ]

[ Say what ]

[ Race for Life ]

[ Things are Good ]

[ The second half ]

[ My newest Toy ]

[ Attitude adjustment ]

[ HYC Update ]

[ A Full Life ]

[ An End in Sight ]

[ Happy Days ]

[ The Unkown }

[ HYC weekly results and a new summer challenge ]

[ From my heart ]

[ A day trip and an update ]

[ A word game ]

[ Ally McBeals Words of Wisdom ]

[ LMAO ]

[ I broke it ]

[ Crazy, crazy update ]

[ Green Gable ]

[ So excited ]

[ Be in your skin ]

[ Today I *Heart* ]

[ A Great Tip ]

[ So Grateful ]

[ Glimpses of the real me ]

[ A Great Easter Weekend ]

[ vintage love ]

Fresh Flower Love

[ From my art Journal]

Im hooked

Fabulous Friday

A Thursday evening

An assortment of things

[ Today I Heart ]